Life can be a Pain

@Owlunar its really sad you have lost your son who would be middle aged now, likely with children of his own, your grandchildren - lost too. Sad.

I believe Jesus takes over the parenting role in heaven and brings our kidz up to their prime. And in heaven we are given "the fullness of knowledge" and so he understands all things now - without sin (because we are 'perfect' in heaven). I was scared my prickly teenage girl would not want to see me again, in heaven, then i realised the great love we always had for each other (underneath) since she was a babe in arms, that is real-and love never dies - this is what remains for us mums Dec, not all the other crap the world messes up. The mother's love is our treasure forever.

No human life is a waste. I believe being born in the flesh is a necessary part of our spiritual journey through time. Your boy was entrusted to you for a brief time in the space time continuum, you & I did the best we could but God closed their growing here on earth to be elsewhere. Only God decides life and death - its not your fault!!! Though i know it will always FEEL it is - because we still hurt.

They say "grief is a measure of our love" - if you still grieve like this decades later, oh my dear sister - you loved that boy deeply! Don't you believe "the accuser of the bretheren" telling you otherwise - No more lies & beating ourselves up.

Its hard i know. Only yesterday my flashback of her last breaths still triggers great pain and shivers and intense paralysing SI - any of these times i could spontaniously leave this world if the dominoes were lined up for impulseiveness, but so far not quite.

It is so hard! Life can be a pain' more so than ever at these times, BUT - we do have each other - - we are NOT alone.

Be gentle on yourself.

I need to go cry ❤

Crying together 💔💔

LapsesTawn❤

@Zoe7We really are social animals and herding animals, and our pets and for me our zoos fill in the gaps where other people might have been.

Hope you all are travelling alright.

@Owlunar I hear you about your grief. I wonder if he is sitting up there wondering about his life, knowing how hard it was and glad it was a while ago and I hope a little recovered in soul. Some therapists really do not get all their clients's issues and make the most abominable comments without reservation or qualification. I see it as an abuse of the revelation of their client's lives. If they could admit they did not understand, but some are very opinionated and cause a lot of distress. Then we have to have therapy for the therapy. lol

Sorry about your internet kerfuffle. It can effect mood a lot when it is main connector with others. That has become my truth. I can manage for periods without it, but I am now modern enough to have crossed the digital divide and be very grateful for online information and forums and support.

lol ... about pj confessions. I have only have half my nightwear purchased for that purpose.

@Former-Member I love your quirky humourous pics. You send out a lot of positive energy considering the cards you were dealt. It matters that you do.

We all struggle with complaining and how much is alright?

Nobody wants to overdo it. I think that is good, but without being open about the true state of our challenges, it is hard to move forward.

@Sophia1 Hope you are feeling a bit better about the forum.

There are some truly wonderful new and old souls.

It has been a privilege for me to get to know so many.

@utopia Hope you are doing alright. Bella.

I have managed to shut myself off from most human contact over the years @Appleblossom - apart from work which I no longer have and even then it was limited and only when necessary. I am making small inroads into this with the DBT group but am still very wary when it comes to social interactions. The past certainly dictates much of my present and that is hard to break out of. Moving forward means breaking what I am used to and have always done and that is by no means an easy road to walk.

@Former-Member sending you love and a hand to hold if you need it

Thanks @Appleblossom. - youre a treasure 💎 You too @Zoe7. @Sophia1 and so many forumites here ❤❤❤

...and so are you @Former-Member

I believe historical context is very important. @Zoe7

I did not study history but went maths/sci stream and found that as a mature person I had to catch up on a lot of knowledge so that I could learn what common sense was.

Without processing our experience we cannot really learn from it, or our mistakes.

I just hope I can convince you to hang on when you are in your down times.

I was so down for 20 years I never thought things could be better, but knew I had to persist for kids. When things are good, they are better than I ever dreamed possible. You have a lot of great qualities, I firmly believe a path will open up for you. I do not know what it is, but pls hang on and find out.

I really am trying to do that @Appleblossom - there are days when I still want to give up but they are getting more spaced apart than they used to be. I can also feel those things that usually hit me hard are taking a little less time for me to get over - baby steps are happening but I am still mindful that one big thing could push me over the edge again ...but hoping that nothing like that does happen and I can keep moving forward.

Hello @Owlunar

You have had a huge day of writing and releasing further emotions....

Discussing such tender ...fragile..feelings..memories is a very difficult thing to do....

You have as you said come a very long way in your grieving journey.....

I hope that you have a comfortable..warm...cosy place to rest and settle your mind.....allowing you to have some peace in your sleep tonight....

a resting time away from your thoughts.....

you have many friends on here @Owlunar...I remember writing this to you a while back now....the words just jump into my mind because it is the truth...I know one special lady @Former-Member thinks of you as family....you are both so good for each other...

let your friends support you now while you take some time out and rest your mind a little for now...

tag me again

my mind is foggy too...

take care

Thanks @Sophia1

I appreciate what you wrote - I was really tired yesterday and sad too - and glad I had the internet connection back - it was really rotten not being able to join the forum family

It has been a long journey - an inward journey - and I have learned to like my own company which is a gift not always given. My home can get very cold but I don't worry about the power bill - I just pay it and give thanks that I am not freezing here - it's important to have it as cosy as I can through days that are dank and shadowy weather-wise and memory-wise as well.

Yes - I do have some very good friends here and @Former-Member is a very special lady - a very special friend - we connect on so many levels

This winter I have read several Dannielle Steel books - my first chance to find where to access cheap ones and then spend an evening or stay in bed late reading with Companion Cat curled up beside me - a warm fluffy being close to me and appreciating something - perhaps just the warmth of my body - hopefully she enjoys me too - one can never really tell with cats - I have started calling her Queen Victoria lately because she has been rather tyrannical - ha ha - I love my furry friend

My life has had some really rough patches but I have learned a lot - yes - the truth of what people write does come through - my life has not been wasted - I don't think I would change anything because pulling one thread might bring it all down and I have had some really great moments - truly fantastic times

Today I feel better than yesterday - last night I was very tired and went to bed leaving everything I would have like to attended to undone. It was okay though I did all the dishes and then made soup for lunch and the kitchen is messy again. I have a great soup recipe though -

There are worse things

Dec