Life can be a Pain

Thanks Dec, thinking of you too ❤💔🌹

You are right @Former-Member - it is not at all fair - no one should have to leave a child behind to continue their own life

What can I say? There are no right words with which we can really console each other - only that we understand something - or we are trying to understand something - no one should ever have to encounter

My thoughts and prayers and love

Dec

I have always liked John Constable's paintings @Appleblossom - I didn't study art except when it was appropriate to my Engish Literature studies - then I saw imagery in Prima Vera that certainly don't exist in Constable's work - but I still like paintings I can identify some meaning in - and sometimes cubism - but I am far from being at all clever there - but when it comes to literature - knowing that can enhance my understanding of art

I hope your Mothers Day can be good - I don't know your plans - but I am wishing you the best and I am certainly looking forward to having some time with my own family - my grand-daughter is picking me up late morning

It has been so cold in Melboure - for whatever reason I slept a long time today - I was planning to go out but slept until really late and then the day drifted away and days alone at weekends often do

Because the psychologist sent me a letter about that Invoice because I did not attend as session I have a feeling of increased empowerment - the excessive fee bothered me because there was no way I was going to pay it and I didn't want to do anything about it. After my doctor told me that writing to her (registered mail) might indicate that I would take further action might have scared them but - extra stuff good news too - my doctor will not be sending any other patients to her - and news like that spreads

All the best Apple

Dec

Hi @Former-Member

You survived the day - numb or not - and it has to have been a difficult day for you with your girl and your mother both gone - how important my girl and grand-daughter are to me!!! - but yes - I did not have a good relationship with my mother and I don't miss her - she was not really part of my life for a long time and when she was I felt as if I was walking on eggs because she could be so narky

Everyone is different though - I was strong enough to walk away for mine and I did it for my own sake but other people have different kinds of strength and different priorities - I remember your Mum could be really narky too and maybe both of our mothers had some kind of MI - and remember too that your grief is still very fresh - it will settle and ease in time - that is about your Mum - it will be harder for your daughter

I am glad your son rang you - really glad - and that your youngest brother and you lit a candle and he brought roses too - even if he picked them - they are roses after all and I love roses

Your sibs are mostly a lost cause after all - and as for your Dad - he seems to getting more frail all the time and perhaps he won't be here much longer - but we don't know that - whatever happens though you are making this part of his life better and that is a wonderful gift of yourself - what better gift can any one give but themselves

Always thinking of you Lapses

Dec

Aw @Former-Member - you are so wonderful to trust me with your thoughts of feeling jealous of my daughter and grand-daughter - I certainly don't rub it in and I know you know that - but if it helps to express yourself to someone you trust that is a gentle feelilng really

I do think it is harder to lose a daughter than a son - for a woman anyway - or maybe it was because my boy was so difficult to manage - and I understand a lot about BPD because of him - not enough though - because it varies so much in its presentation - but what I do know is that it really does terrible things to us what any of us loses a child - no matter how old or who it is or the circumstances

It takes part of our future away and that is such a bad thing to lose - I get it

Of course you don't want your Dad to suffer unnecessarily - as cranky as he might be now and however he was in the past - I get it that your family did not have a peaceful past and that is over now. Your mother did ill treat him - that is a fact - and she ill-treated you too and the other kids - you must have really tough memories and about being ill-treated because of bed-wetting - so bad.

My son wet the bed - no ill-treatment here - your mother was cruel - as was mine - children are so vulnerable and carry the bad memories into their own adult life - how can you not?

I have spells when the pain is worse - cold weather causes what we call flares - it can last for days and how I do it is habit and being used to the fact rather than the pain - it really does drag me down and I guess this happens for you to - esp with all the sucking anniversaries around this time of year. I do it because I want to live alone and continue until they carry me out in a box - not giving up.

Remember though - you are living further south this winter and you are doing more for your Dad and you don't get the chance to rest as you would alone. When you Dad takes a nap or seems to be - grab the chance to lie down with the wheat pack yourself and let that heat get into all the sore parts - you might even get to sleep for a while - that happens for me

Be honest with your thoughts because I understand - you are a wonderful person - and find you to be a gentle wounded soul who I have found in the storm and I want to keep you as safe as I can - I want to keep us both safe - we have so much in common

Remember self-care lapses - and remember that if no one else loves you in the real world you are loved here - other people do and so do I

Dec

Hello @Owlunar, @Former-Member,

Hello @Appleblossom, @EternalFlame

Hi @Shaz51

I hope you can have a peaceful night and that Mr Shaz is not too anxious - I hope Poor Little Kidney is okay too and that you are recovering from the UTI - I think I read somewhere that your health was improving

Sending all of you hugs

Dec