Life can be a Pain

Hi @Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@outlander@utopia

Thanks so much for your messages - they mean a lot

Yesterday was tough - I am seeing my new therapist this afternoon and I was wondering what on earth to talk about in 50 minutes when I have so much conflict in my family -

Families can be so complex and toxic - there has to be one person who imagines if they don't control every detail the sun would fail to rise in the east in the morning and right now - I feel like the person in my family would imagine the sun would be likely to fail to find its way to the west - as if -

Enough - anyway - I rang Life Line and had a good chat - made 5 points I need to talk about and made notes afterwards - too much to talk about in one session - I think I need to find my way through these controlling people to find how my uncle really is and do my level best to see him even if I have to go to where he lives and turn up at the door - ah - not that I am likely to do that.

It was weeks ago that I was so upset about my family and the trouble that always seems to be happening - decades of it - really - it was happening before I was born - it just seems to find its way into all the strange little nooks and crannies common to many families I guess

So today I need to elaborate my points and even print it out - have it in my hand when I speak to the therapist - know what I am talking about

But I am sure the written word never really carried the point across - it's more than that - it's how we say it and when and if we get teary or not

But I really believe that no one gets to deserve the issues some family members dish out for whatever reason - we are all worth more than that - and yeah - it's tough yards and I know people here understand that

I had a dream last night - one I can't remember - but I woke with the feeling that the dream was something about the tough stuff in life and that it hasn't beaten me yet - but then - awake this morning - that really toxic person in my family - she is just as toxic - aw - enough again

Thanks again my dear friends

Dec

Hi @Faith-and-Hope@utopia@Shaz51@outlander@Former-Member

I've had a busy week - 3 appointments apart from the usual and they all went well

I saw a different pain specialist - same clinic - and I am glad that with all my other concerns atm I let this one come to pass - the new doctor is a young man and really great and his comment is

"If someone is stable why change anything?" and this is a huge relief

So I saw my new therapist and I have talked to my daughter and I am planning to go interstate late February or early March - remarkable indeed that neither of us have gone away for months and then we both want to go away at the same time - my only concern is my elderly cat - she does need to be looked at and given fresh food and water every day - but I have yet to have a response from my aging relatives - I guess they are thinking it over - if I get a positive reply I might go in early February

It's seven years since Dad died tomorrow - strange how easy it was to get over Dad dying than it was to get over my mother - probably because Dad and I were very close and very much alike - I never feel I have to go far to be near my Dad -

This last week I have gone down to the beach twice - I thought I might go today but it is raining heavily here - not the best day to go but having gone twice I am likely to go again

I wish everyone the best and hope things are going as well as possible

Dec

Hopefully that is a healing process @utopia.

I know my mind problem solves in my sleep. I can wake up at three in the morning with the realisation that I have thought through an issue and decided on my response or course of action.

As I am waking up, I realise that it’s the end of a whole process of nutting it out that was occurring while I was asleep ..... like remembering the end of a dream as you wake up, but you know there was much more to it than that, that you can’t recall even though it had been vivid a few minutes before.

I think for me this happens when I am running hard to get through chaotic days and there isn’t enough time to think things through, so my mind processes during sleep hours, waking me. It doesn’t happen all the time though, just when things have been super busy, or perhaps when I am really angry and distressed about a piece of our puzzle.

I can see that my D3 is sinking again at the moment. I think she is not sleeping well.

It makes me angry that the mh team around our son has reframed all our problems as stemming from marriage disfunction, dismissing the idea that mr. f&h underwent a mid-life crisis that derailed all of us, the marriage included. D3 is reactive within her own relationship with her dad ..... wonder when they are going to work that out .....

Wonder when and how the e.d. is going to be discovered and diagnosed. She is angry about that too.

Waiting ..... waiting ...

I am sorry your dreams are so vivid and plaguing your sleep hours. Does it help to rest during the day ?

Hi everyone,

I've been writing out what I want to discuss with my psychologist (before our appointment) for years.

That's because otherwise, I go blank in the appointment - & say little or nothing.

Then I would kick myself (later) with frustration, for not having remembered what I wanted to say.

I also have to write a list, before I go to the Dr - otherwise I don't remember any of the symptoms (to tell).

I first started doing that over 20 years ago, when I first saw a psychologist...

My psychologist often has a little chuckle, when she says "What's next on your list"? "Have you forgotten anything on your list"?, etc

Adge

Hi @utopia@Adge@Faith-and-Hope@Shaz51@outlander@Former-Member

We had bad weather in Melbourne over the weekend and it really caused me a lot of back pain - it certainly does affect everyone when the barometer falls suddenly and then rises again just to dip - and of wow - was it that I had a lot on last week or what? I don't know but I sure like having so many likes to my message - I think I missed someone

It was Dad's anniversary yesterday and maybe that had something to do with the bad pain but actually I think not - I saw the doctor today and was given an injection for the pain and I have felt better since - and I feel okay tonight - maybe a lot has come to pass and there were three appointments last week - 3 extras - all went well

This afternoon I started to do the jigsaw puzzle of the solar system I was given for Christmas - it's a big one but has big pieces - and it has information about the different planets and moons so this makes it interesting - when I get this finished I am going to have it mounted and framed -

Also the man came back to fix the roof of my shed - even with the new door it was really damp in there with the heavy rain we had - and there isn't any abestos in the shed roof - but stuff!!!!!!! - we all the storms I have had the tiles on my main roof break and fall into the new gutters and the gutters moved out of place and I was doing some gardening last week and found a large piece of equipment in the vines which I gave back to the guy who came back to fix the gutters and my ceiling is leaking a bit in one corner - I have been getting a lot fixed around here lately - I am really glad I don't own this place 🙂

So yes - it was really good to have the new pain specialist say he wasn't changing anything and seeing a new therapist and waiting now for new glasses - this is all good stuff

And dreams - I like to do dream analysis but mostly I know I have been dreaming but can't remember anything when I wake up - I think our minds do sort stuff out Utopia and Faith - eg - like sorting out a filing system - and sleep is so important

I look at life this way - it's no fun to be anxious or unhappy or to be in pain - we grieve for what we have lost and sometimes for something we never had

But it's normal - just unpleasant

I'm so sorry about this ED and the failure to dx Mr Faith - so frustrating - I know I could ask why he's not just told to get his act about eating together but that won't work - I think about my son having BPD with no one telling me until a psychologist who did post mortem dx for the people who lost family members to suidice - we are so much on the outside with this kind of issue with secrecy and whatever - I feel so much for you - eg - it seems you are the forgotten member in all of this and now D3 is suffering about it

You are such a fine and sensitive person Faith - and this kind of life story is really hard - and I still pray for you - I have a lot of pink flowers in my ground-covering vine atm and I think of you everytime I see it

Dec