Unknown userMember
My story
TW : contains mention of suicide
This is an abbreviated version of my life
I was born into a household where nothing was ‘normal’. An only child who shared same unpainted bedroom as her parents until late primary school. (Recently realised) a child of intergenerational abuse.
a child who got her own unpainted bedroom from start of high school that had no floor coverings, a room she ‘shared’ with empty cupboards from when the room was a kitchen. An 11yo who had no idea what it meant to become a teenage girl. A teenager who believed talking about all the physical changes was taboo due to a father who would say ‘that’s woman’s things, nothing to do with me and not to be talked about when I’m home’ ….. a mother who talked about bare minimum only. This level of discussing any female health related item never changed between my mum and I.
a child from 6 or 7 yo who grew to dislike her paternal grandfather due to trying to always and only do what he wanted. 9yo my dads only sibling took his own life. 12 yo my mums youngest sister died as side effect of MS. 13yo my paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother died. Only death that had no impact on my MH was my paternal grandfather.
by time I was 14yo my fathers moods were becoming nasty. (Wasn’t until approx 6 years later medical evidence showed brain damage due to strokes). During following 2 years my father destroyed items of my school work, items of school uniform (he used to say was waste of time and money sending me to school, a girls place was at home and that I would never get a job.) I had golf balls thrown directly at my head, car driven directly at me and stopped only just before hitting me. I lived through mental abuse due to my father threatening to get rid of my pets if I didn’t ‘behave’ … this including crying when told not to. Approx 2 years of fully being controlled by my father. (I’m almost 62yo and still can’t cry anywhere unless am at home on my own). 14 yo child who more than once heard her mother saying she wished she was dead and talking about ending her own life.
16.5yo, will help of Police, my mum and I escaped my childhood house and were moved twice within few months due to concerns for our safety with mail sent to local Police Station.
mid 40’s, 23 December and my mum took heart attack in my arms at front door of my home and became unconscious. Next time I saw her she was lying on hospital bed in emergency department….. she had died from another heart attack. Early the following year I made full plans to end lives of my pets and me. It was not just my mum I missed, decades of being controlled had stopped. Both of these leaving me feeling totally lost. Went to local gp following day instead.
time forward approx 10years. Mid 50’s, happily married for 4.5 years and my husband diagnosed with terminal cancer. During next 4 mths he had couple near death close calls, the first being start on January. 6mths after diagnosis he took his last breath. Few months before his death his sister was verbally abusive. After his death this abuse escalated and included threats to get me sacked from my job.
