This is my story

Thank you for sharing this @Former-Member I'm sure it wasn't an easy thing to do, but it speaks volumes of your courage and resilience and ability to still be vulnerable despite everything that you've been through.

I'm so glad that you are still here today, and I know the community is richer with you in it, with all of the wonderful support you give and connections you've formed.

Sending you huge hugs ❤️❤️

@Former-Member it is painful to read your story - I am almost lost for words.

Good on you for keeping on, and keep on keeping on!

Once you start observing the patterns of being a victim/survivor of abuse, then accept, then the next step is to re-learn how to be, so that you can avoid being the kind of person who falls victim to abuse again. This is easier said than done - it takes education, therapy and courage to break free from the cycle of abuse. You start to learn what to do and what not to do, how to be and how not to be, what to say and what not to say, to not only protect yourself but thrive. And yes, despite what may have happened in your past, thriving is indeed possible! It will be a journey and times feel like an emotional rollercoaster, but you will be stronger for it. Trauma often makes the survivor more empathetic than the neurotypical person: hence why you have been able to connect with my story, etc.

Tell yourself: "I am strong" as many times, until you believe it.

Because you are.

@tyme

@Ru-bee thankyou. It's been a hard day and I'm left thinking about the past and everything I've been through. It's hard to put everything into words and this really is only a very brief run down.

@Spirit_Healer thankyou. My journey is still far from over when it comes to abuse. But I'm here and I'm still fighting for change somehow.

Right now telling myself I'm strong isn't an option as I really don't feel it. But others are holding that hope and light for me while I find my way through the darkness.

Anyone that's been through any form of abuse knows that it doesn't only affect you physically but it takes away everything that you are. You have to learn about yourself all over again, to understand yourself, to find a way to be who you want to be.

@Former-Member

It couldn't have been easy to share all of that, and I'm so sorry for what you've had to deal with. It's hard to imagine anyone being more completely and consistently failed by people who you should have been able to trust completely. I can't really say anything on top of what everyone has already said.

I find it amazing that you can still trust anyone enough to even share your story, even the short version. That, and the fact you're still here, still fighting reflects incredibly strongly on you as a person. The rest of all of that abuse, neglect, and mistreatment just reflects so horribly on those people who really have caused, and continue to, cause you so much pain. Unfortunately you are the one that has to deal with the ongoing trauma and pain from their actions... and in-actions. But here you are, still fighting, and among friends who care and support you. It just shows you have more strength, humanity, and kindness in the tip of your pinky than the rest of them have combined!

Like I said before, i'm sorry for everything you've had to endure, but i'm equally proud of you for not only surviving, but trying to put it all behind you and trying to find the happy life you so utterly deserve.

@MJG017 thankyou, just hearing that someone is actually proud of me for still being here despite everything I've been through means more than you could imagine.

It's definitely wasn't easy to share and it was even harder for me to read it all. I've never really had the chance to get everything out, so it's still very much bottled up inside of me.

I want so much to be free from abuse and to be able to put everything behind me. But it seems everyday is a constant reminder of the trauma I've been through and even more so now that these flashbacks have started and aren't stopping. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow but it's not a proper appointment as such, but I'm hoping it will get me through until the 17th when I do have an appointment.

Sometimes life is just sh!t and I have to accept that I can't change what's happened to me. But I can try to live a better life, I'm just not sure what that looks like just yet.

@Former-Member

I'm sure anyone who knows you now, and know a little of what you've been through would be proud of you. It's an incredible effort you've made to begin to recover after all that trauma.

I really think it helps so much not get these thoughts and feelings out. When we bottle them up for so long, it's really hard to start to let them out at first... really hard! And it can feel like you're doing the wrong thing after you've done it! That is just the trauma response talking, wanting you to keep it all inside. It does get easier and i really think it's the first and most important step and changing those old ways of thinking about ourselves and beginning to heal and move on.

You are completely right about not being able to change the past. It's not something you will ever forget, so trying is a losing battle. Use it, and the knowledge that it all happened but hasn't beaten you to continue to fight your way forward. As for knowing what future life looks like, there's only one way to find out and you're on your way.

@MJG017 you really read my mind. As soon as I posted it I freaked and thought maybe I shouldn't have shared it. But I deserve to share my story and I deserve to get support to move forward.

The past is always going to come back to haunt me and the fact I'm still going through things doesn't help that situation.

Hi @Former-Member

Your story is heartbreaking, and I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure so much pain, betrayal, and isolation. No one deserves what you’ve been through.

As Maya Angelo's said "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time".

Your replies on this forum are so kind and supportive, even though you are suffering so deeply. To help and support others tells me you are really special.

Remember it's better to walk alone than with those who mistreat you.

Take care @Former-Member .

Snuggles 🫠

@Former-Member thankyou for your kind words, it really means alot. I've rarely had kindness shown to me until I came here so i know what it's like to be lacking that and how much it hurts. So I always make sure I show kindness and compassion to others whenever I can. ❤️