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How Do I Say Goodbye?

ParalyzedSenior Contributor12 Feb 2025, 11:03 am AEDT

How Do I Say Goodbye?

Hello and good morning all,

How do you say goodbye to someone who has been with you for your whole life?

How Do I Say Goodbye by Dean Lewis *listening to it as I write this first paragraph*.

Another month has just passed by in the blink of an eye! I can not believe that today marks one year and one month since I had to say goodbye to my mum. A day that will be forever etched in my memory and the worst day of my life. My mum's soul left her body on the 12th day of January 2024 at the age of 61. It would be my younger brother and me who would be the ones to find Mum finally at peace.

No words can ever express how that moment felt.

FYI - my love of music comes from my mum. One of Mum's favourite things to do in life was to drive her car, and for a long time, it was a 1978 Ford Falcon, aka The Tank, windows down because we weren't lucky enough to have air-con, power steering, what's that? Haha, music playing nice and loud, cassette tape, of course, and just drive.

Mum and I had pretty different tastes when it came to music as I grew older, but we still always found songs to which we would sing our hearts out. Mum was an AC/DC fan and liked more upbeat music, and she was always like, why do you always listen to Celine Dion? Her music is so sad, and we'd look at each other and chuckle. One of Mum's favourite songs, and she'd always ask me to play as soon as she was in my car, was You're the Voice by Mitch Tambo. I shared this song with Mum in maybe 2023, and she fell in love with it. Well, it is a brilliant song!

Ooh...why can't you stay forever? (lyrics from Just Another Day by Jon Secada) This song may seem a little off-centre to be referring to the loss of my mum, but it was a song that Mum and I listened to back in the day, and some of the lyrics hit home for me. After we laid Mum to rest, I repeatedly listened to this song, sometimes in the car, often alone in my bedroom with my headphones on, max volume and asking why can't you stay forever?!

To Mum, I love and miss you every second of every day. 'Gone but not forgotten, may peace be yours forever.'

Thank you for letting me share and your support; I will leave it there for now.

Kindness, first and foremost.

12 replies

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In response to: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Ru-beeModerator12 Feb 2025, 11:16 am AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Hi @Paralyzed

What a beautiful way to honor your mum by sharing these memories and reflecting on the love of music that you were able to share. I'm so sorry that your time with her was cut short, I can only imagine all of the emotions that you'd be feeling today. We're all here for you if you do need us here.

Thinking of you ❤️

In response to: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Unknown userMember12 Feb 2025, 11:17 am AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

@Paralyzed sending you lots of love and strength today and always. Take care of yourself and enjoy the happy memories and the love of music that you shared together ❤️

In response to: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Spike2503Contributor12 Feb 2025, 11:31 am AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Hi, I lost my mum a year ago and just wanted to let you know I'm sorry for your loss.

In response to: Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

ParalyzedSenior Contributor12 Feb 2025, 11:34 am AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Thank you, @Ru-bee @Former-Member

If it hasn't already, it will become apparent that music is my therapy before any other treatment.

I have a second psychologist appointment this afternoon, and I will ask if they are willing to listen to Paralyzed by NF and read the lyrics while I am in session.

Question for those who wish to answer: what is your go-to to soothe the soul? What is your therapy?

In response to: Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

ParalyzedSenior Contributor12 Feb 2025, 11:39 am AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Hi @Spike2503, thank you for your message of support, and I am sorry for your loss.

In response to: Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

ParalyzedSenior Contributor12 Feb 2025, 12:52 pm AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Silence is my second favourite. I am grateful for noise-cancelling earphones or headphones. 😁

Sometimes, I can't tolerate noise, even music; for example, earlier this morning, I removed my headphones, turned off my music, and did some cleaning. I also knew I could not tolerate the vacuum, so I used the broom, dustpan and brush instead.

In response to: How Do I Say Goodbye?

QlderpatNew Contributor12 Feb 2025, 9:54 pm AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Wonderful memories of your Mum. I lost my mum when she was 49, bladder cancer. Music was a favourite for us too, I had Sinead O'Connor Nothing compares to u playing in my car when I picked her up from CWA and it became her favourite song right then. 2 years later we had to nurse her through cancer treatment. You never fully recover from saying goodbye to your mum, I lost my 34 years ago but some days it feels like it was only recently. Thank you for sharing. Hugs.

In response to: Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

tymeModerator12 Feb 2025, 10:00 pm AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Thank you for sharing @Qlderpat , and welcome to the forums! It's great to have you here with us.

Feel free to introduce yourself here if you want to introduce yourself Newbie's Social Club - Come make some friends!

See you around!

In response to: Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

ParalyzedSenior Contributor12 Feb 2025, 11:21 pm AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Hello @Qlderpat

Thank you for taking the time to share your heartfelt words and memories of your mum. My heart goes out to you, having lost her at such a young age. Cancer has a way of leaving an indelible mark on our lives, and I'm deeply sorry you've had to endure that pain.

Your story instantly transported me back to the hauntingly beautiful lyrics of Sinead O'Connor's 'Nothing Compares to You.' That song has a way of capturing the ache of loss, doesn't it?

For me, the ache of losing Mum will always be a part of my journey. It's as if my heart has a puzzle with one piece forever missing. Yet, even in grief, I'm grateful for the lessons she taught me – especially her kindness, which has become an integral part of who I am.

I'm looking forward to sharing more about Mum's remarkable life soon. Her story is one of resilience, perseverance, and hope. Despite facing unimaginable challenges, she never gave up. From becoming a mum at 16 to facing countless struggles throughout her life, she remained a beacon of strength.

As I reflect on Mum's 61 years, I'm reminded of the profound impact she had on my life. Though her health struggles and ultimate passing were devastating, I take comfort in knowing she's finally at peace. In her final days, she shared with me her exhaustion and readiness to let go. It's a memory I'll carry with me forever.

Thank you again for sharing your story and connecting with me on this journey.

Today will soon be a distant memory of the past and I am ready for tomorrow and to receive whatever gifts, or presents, the universe has chosen for me to receive on this date, whether unwanted or wanted or otherwise, and may I have the strength to face it and may I be open to receiving signs from the universe, to let me know that I am where I am supposed to be and that everything will be okay.

I thank you all again, for letting me share and providing a safe space for me to do so. Good night and sleep well 😴

P …

In response to: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Eve7Senior Contributor13 Feb 2025, 12:42 pm AEDT

Re: How Do I Say Goodbye?

Hello @Paralyzed and welcome to the forums.

Thank you so much for sharing your story and I’m so sorry for your loss. I have just lost my mum too, one week today and I am very numb. It’s hard but we can support each other in this season.

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