How to cope with a partner that going through the darkness

hey @RainbowBaker

First of all, I'm sorry to hear your partner is going through it. It's not a good place to be but I'm glad to hear they seem to have good supports in place.

And it must be taking a huge toll on you too. I'm going through a similar period with my partner. Lots of push and pull, lots of black and white and fear and pain.

Its been two weeks, I haven't been sleeping much or eating. I decided to take a 1 week contact break from yesterday.

Personally I've been brushing up on DBT skills, which I've found really helpful for managing my own emotional responses to their challenging behaviours.

I think the struggle for me, is that while I haven't lost sight of the person they were before this started, I'm losing confidence I'll get the same person back out the other side.

All we can do, I think, is be there for them in this dark place, and remember who they are.

Thanks for reaching out @GalaxyOwl

It is never easy, and I understand the no sleeping or eating part. During the darker days I am the same as the anxiety of always being alert around them stops any restful sleep. Sounds like you also understand that push and pull, the fear and pain. Remember you aren't alone in this!

It is good you are re-exploring DBT concepts and finding it is helping a bit. My own psych has me doing something similar, making sure that know when to compartmentalize so as to not fall down the dark hole as well.

Beyond that I have found keeping small habits and routines, that are easy to do, really helps give me an anchor to help get through tough days.

I am struggling with the isolation of it a bit and not able to talk to a lot of people about it, so I thankyou for opening up your experience with it!

We will get through this a day at a time!

@RainbowBaker Hi there. This is so traumaticfor you both. Just wonderin g if youve sought connection and support from your partners family...so you're all in this together kin d of thing. 10 years of pshychs and it sounds like not much progress! I really hope this forum gives you some comfort or is an outlet youre looking for👍

Hi @Dizzy4 , thanks for the advice 🙂 I appreciate it.

Unfortunately they are estranged from their family due to trauma so that is not possible right now. But looking at finding some more people to build up their support network.

I'm also in a similar situation. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I have anxiety and he often says my anxiety is worse but I think I'm more functional even if neurotic sometimes. The push and pull, the black and white. These are helpful ideas for me. I KNOW I need to look after me too but man it is hard

Hello @romanempress , @RainbowBaker , @Dizzy4 , @GalaxyOwl

I'm exhausted mentally and physically also

sending you hugs and letting you know that you are not alone my friends

I KNOW I need to look after me too but man it is hard, it is hard to get the right balance

@Healandlove , @Ru-bee , @tyme

@RainbowBaker @Shaz51 @GalaxyOwl @Dizzy4 @romanempress

Thank you for the tag my sister Shazzy.

I'm sorry i haven't been around.

I really haven't had the energy.

I know what a pillar of strength you are for Mr Shaz. I send you hugs and love and I'm always thinking of you even if I'm.not around the forum as much. Hang in there my sister and take as much time for yourself as you can.

@RainbowBaker I'm sorry you are going through this too.

My husband has cptsd from childhood trauma. He is seeing a trauma clinical psychologist. I'm seeing a trauma clinical psychologist and together we are seeing a couple psychologist. It is exhausting but I do see progress little by little.

I think for me what has helped me is my own therapy. I suffer from anxiety and my husband's reactions and pulling away into his own "cave" leaving me feeling emotionally alone made that anxiety worse. With therapy I have learnt to take his panic and negativity without letting it affect me the way it used to. I have accepted that he will never be the man I married but that him with cptsd is his true self. I hang on to the fact that his goodness is still there and he is making changes that are positive however small.

I try to take good amounts of time away from him like focusing on my work and kids to make sure my life doesn't revolve around him and his moods.

It's not easy and i take it day by day.

Knowing I'm.not alone is always a comfort.

I hope you can find love and comfort in this forum. We are all here for you.

• Same goes to @romanempress @Dizzy4 @GalaxyOwl @Shaz51

hello my sister @Healandlove , ❤️

we have soo much going on with us both at the moment

I love your message and yes I need to put that in my life more too

I went to a Ladies get together on Saturday, there were 16 of us ladies for lunch

I must say it did feel very strange; they are planning of doing these once a month

@RainbowBaker , @romanempress , @Dizzy4 , @GalaxyOwl , how are you going today my friends , here for you

@Shaz51 that is wonderful my Shazzy! Monthly lunch with ladies sounds so perfect fou laughter and letting your hair down! Is this a community group or a church group?

This truly made me smile 🙂🥲

🫂🫂🫂

@Healandlove 😍

it was our 2 churches combined, the other sister church is 30 minutes away

it was a lovely 2 hours