Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Married but in love with someone else

FishaliciousCasual Contributor05 Feb 2025, 10:38 am AEDT

Married but in love with someone else

Hello im looking for advice and for people to be bluntly honest with me about my situation.
I’ve been married for 8 years I have 3 young children. 2 years ago I met someone else and I’m deeply in love with her. I’ve been lying to my wife and to my girlfriend about the whole thing.
my wife half knows about my affair but I’ve always denied it because she has openly said she will leave and I’ll never see my kids again. It’s kind of like a loveless marriage that we’re only together for the sake of the kids.
I’ve lied to my girlfriend all kinds of fucked up lies and she didn’t even know my real name. I’ve tried to break it off with her twice but I can’t. I didn’t talk to her for 3 months but I went back again. My girlfriend now knows about everything and she hates me from what I did. I think she’s still processing things but she’s saying she still loves me and wants to be with me. It’s still good between us but then she gets drunk and all the hatred comes out and she says all these horrible things. Then she wakes up and says she doesn’t mean any of it.
I have to make a decision on what to do but I don’t know. I don’t want to lose my kids so if I stay it would only be to not ruin my kids lives and I would just be miserable with somebody I don’t love. I don’t know if my girlfriend will just hate me forever for what I did and I’m not sure she has fully processed everything. I’ve told her I don’t want to lose my kids. She’s saying now that she wants to have a baby with me even if I stay with my family because I’m the love of her life and that she doesn’t care if she has to do it alone. I feel like this whole thing is not fair on her but the love we have for eachother is something I’ve never experienced before. We are 100% soulmates but I don’t know if I’ve done to much damage here and eventually the hatred she had for me will just take over.
I don’t want to cut her out of my life but if I stay with my family I don’t think it’s fair on her so I don’t know what to do. Any advice on what you think I should do would be greatly appreciated

2 replies

1 - 2 of 2

In response to: Married but in love with someone else

Ru-beeModerator05 Feb 2025, 11:06 am AEDT

Re: Married but in love with someone else

Hello @Fishalicious and welcome to the forums

This is certainly a very complex situation to be in, with so many people's emotions tied up in it.

It sounds as though no matter what you choose someone is going to be hurt, but then again, it sounds like all involved parties are already being hurt. I don't think that anyone can tell you what to do here, as nobody can know the situation as you do, so I would ask you to honestly consider which choice you could live with. Maybe there is no right choice here, but all you can do is try to make the choice that feels the most right to you in this moment.

One thing I will say is that it sounds as though you do need to make a decision, as the longer this goes on the more hurt it can cause.

Do you have anyone close to you who you may be able to talk openly and honestly about this? Sometimes speaking to someone who knows us can help us gain some clarity

In response to: Re: Married but in love with someone else

FishaliciousCasual Contributor06 Feb 2025, 6:46 am AEDT

Re: Married but in love with someone else

Hello thank you for your response

my girlfriend is saying as much as she wishes I would leave she doesn’t think I will because I don’t want to ruin my kids life by tearing apart the family but even if that’s the case she wants to have a baby with me because she doesn’t want to date someone else because she won’t love them the way she loves me and doesn’t want to have a baby with someone she doesn’t love. She’s saying she will take care of it all by herself and I won’t have to do anything or pay for anything and I can just see them whenever I want. What are your thoughts on this?

1 - 2 of 2