Losing my compassion

@Baboo when my sibling goes off the deep end I try to tell myself that they had a really bad day and something happened that I did not know about, which is usually the case. I'm just the punching bag to take the frustrations out on. If I ask the question "what's going on?" then usually I get to the bottom of what has caused the anger. Quite often a mountain has been made of a mole hill.

@PeppiPatty Gossip can be a terrible thing. Personally I don't like it. I think that if you have something to say to someone just go ahead and say it and don't talk about people behind their back. Have you noticed that people tend to make up their own minds about someone else anyway? Most of the time they have no idea what the facts are and might not know anything about the person they gossip about. People who gossip clearly have too much time on their hands with nothing better to do. But that's just my opinion.

Just let that sort of nonsense fly right over your head. It's not worth your precious energy worrying about what people might be saying.

I love your last comment when you said "I'm stuffed". So true, so true.

@PeppiPatty

Good morning to you! I'm travelling along okay at the moment. Had a bad day with my sibling last week but all seems to have ironed itself out because I did the right thing and held my tongue instead of exploding.

Yay me!

I'm heading to Bali just after middle of Feb and so looking forward to it. I'm glad it's just a short flight away and not on the other side of the world, although the next trip I'm planning after Bali will be much further away and I need to start learning some Italian.

Weren't you also considering a trip to Bali soon?

I think Russia would be way too cold. Not on my to do list at the moment.

Hi Keira

I can relate to your dilemma. I have a brother with Down's Syndrome and am his guardian and administrator. Although he doesn't live with me, it is difficult, as he is mostly non-verbal and very hard to relate to. At age 53, he is quite set in his ways and not interested in doing much. So hard to know how to relate, as he doesn't give feedback - only negative, if and when he doesn't want to do something. I am the oldest sibling sister and am the key family contact person, as my parents have both passed away. Sometimes I wish I didn't have this reponsibility and then I feel guilty, as I know he can't help having this disability! I have some limited help from my siblings, although harder for the other brothers who live interstate. We take him out of his facility once a month, when we can.

I liked your suggestions to Tatsinda about her husband. May I also suggest that she ask him for help and think of ways where and when he can support her? Sometimes we, the strong independent females, forget that we can encourage distance between us and our partner by not asking them (genuinely) for help!

Cheers,

Lucky

@lucky Yes, it's hard being the older sibling. A step down from our parents we pretty much are expected to take on the role of carer I think. If I wasn't a responsible person then I would have been off the hook. How nice that would have been. I realised that my parents, being older, would not have been able to cope with the nightmare my sibling put me through and therefore I sheltered them from most of what was going on. It was only when the behaviour affected them directly that they got dragged into things. Thankfully that wasn't too often and I was there to support them too.

I still think the health system needs to do more to support carers. The inadequacies are still a bit of a thorn in my side. I have found that there is no follow up whatsoever regarding my sibling. Nobody wants to know unless there's some crisis going on.

I love your advice for Tatsinda too. Asking for help and support would also involve him and make him realise that his opinion and what he wants matters too.