Send 'smooth-sailing' sentiments to Spirit_Healer!

Great to hear from you @Spirit_Healer 🙂

Have you been able to do any cooking yet?

Hello @creative_writer @tyme @Former-Member !

I'm in the process of stocking my fridge. I went to the supermarket yesterday and am planning to go to the greengrocer today or tomorrow.

I feel really ambivalent about living alone in my unit, that I started renting in November. My psychiatrist says that when I signed the contract, it was not an appropriate time to do so, because I was unwell. Same goes for getting my cat. My psychiatrist also says that, by living here now, that I'm making a decision.

Trigger warning:

The reason I feel ambivalent, is, my reason for moving out was primarily because my father is the source of my C-PTSD. I have very negative memories of things that he did when I was growing up.

Despite all these past ocurrences, he loves me. At times my feelings towards him are very confusing. I know that most of the time, he wants the best for me. But, due to negativity bias, the bad things he did outweigh the good things, in my memory.

He's been begging me to move back in with him and Mum. I am always quick to give him the 'reality check' that I will not move back in.

He knows how fragile my mental health is at the moment and he wants to look after me.

He even apologises repeatedly for 'overstepping my boundary'.

But the crux of the issue is, he gaslights me about my experience of the past incident that stays clear in my mind. Both Dad and Mum just blame my first psychotic epidose and insist that nothing happened.

No other action or words could be more invalidating.

@Oaktree @MJG017 @Glisten @Shaz51

Hello @Spirit_Healer. Well done for getting to the supermarket and starting to stock your fridge. Remember you don't have to rush anything, so take things at your pace.

I can understand feeling ambivalent about living alone, it's a hard thing to do and even more so when you have been struggling with mental health issues. I hear what your psychiatrist said and yes it may have not been the right time to sign the contract, but you have this chance now for a fresh start and you can only but try and see how you go.

I can understand your feelings towards your father and they are completely valid. Even though apologies have been made and time may have passed those memories will always remain.

I can understand how invalidating that would feel and I'm sorry about how they blame your first psychotic episode rather than taking accountability themselves.

We believe in you, you are strong and you've got this. Take things day by day, baby steps at a time ❤️.

@Spirit_Healer more power to you.

It’s not your responsibility to make them feel better about their actions and their guilt. Let them deal with their shame.

That’s their journey, not yours.

“All the lies you find. All the truth you see. But I know what’s mine.” INXS 1993.

Hey @Spirit_Healer ,

Thank you for the update. It sounds like a lot has been going on in your mind over what has happened in the past.

I wonder if you are able to spend some days with them, while also having your rental that you can retreat to?

In my recovery, I lived between 2 homes. My own place and my parents' place. I may spend one or two nights with them and the rest at my place. Then when I needed space, I stayed at my own place.

Is this an option for you?

Thank you, @tyme @Glisten @Former-Member @creative_writer @rav3n @Shaz51 @MJG017, for your support.

I finally made a toastie today. It had ham and cheese and was accompanied by a simple salad.

My toastie and salad lunch!

I'm kicking goals!

@tyme , yes my intention is to continue to rent this unit so that I have my own sanctuary when things at my parents' home become too much.

My psychiatrist has hinted that I will need another month off work before I go back. I'm seeing him tomorrow, so we'll see what dates he puts on my next medical certificate.

I've been enjoying group fitness classes at my local aquatic centre. Lots of yoga and pilates (mat and reformer) for me. Freedom feels so good!

@Oaktree @The-red-centaur @Ru-bee @Jynx @Healandlove @PeppyPatti

@Spirit_Healer that looks so yummy, well done ❤️

you made the toastie!!! looks perfect @Spirit_Healer group fitness classes sounds fun, proud of all the progress you're making!! 💙

@Spirit_Healer yummy

Yet I only eat icecream these days. I think we r having sandwiches with veges and lamb in sandwiches for dinner tonight. We had lamb for dinner last night.