Past history still hurts...

My story is a long one but Ill try keep it short.

Years ago I made a huge lapse of judgement. A great one. One that left me unfortunately with a criminal record. I never pictured myself in this position, my life was good, i had friends and family around me but due to my insecurities, lack of knowledge and being a weak man i made the greatest mistake of my life. I was never sentenced to prison although the charges werent great. After i was charged i took a lot of time to reflect, [during covid]. Unfortunately due to lockdown this resulted in me becoming a drug addict due to the shame I felt inside, i isolated myself in my thoughts. Everyone found out about the incident. I recieved Death threats, smashed house, car, lost my business etc but I dont want to play victim mentality here i realised i screwed up but my rehabilitation process was a mess to say the least. My close friends/family know the real story they were dissappointed but understanding which is honestly lucky. If i didnt have that in my life im not to sure where I would be.

Years have passed now. Im in a better place, no more drug use, finished all of my community service/fines although i am still struggling with building friendships and finding purpose.

Its difficult finding work, being social, talking to people in general all because of my low self esteem and shame.

I have been shunned away from alot of places, self defence classes, clubs etc due to the fact i was recognised and not given a second chance or even a chance to explain. The past isnt who I am but a lot of people don't understand that. I only want to do good in this world and treat others how I would like to be treated but I feel stuck due to what ive explained above.

Im not sure where to go from here, it seems every time I try make an effort my past comes back to haunt me and wont allow me to move forward. Im also not sure if posting here would be of any benefit but hey here we are.

I hope everyone is having a great day, keep on smiling.

Thankyou for your time.