Tough Day & Feeling Unworthy

@LwaxanaTroi hello.

Firstly we'll done on reaching out for support that can be very hard to do when you are feeling so vulnerable.

You are definitely worthy of others care, attention and compassion. I too struggle to see how im worthy of anyone's time in anyway, shape or form. But this community is helping me to realise that I do deserve to be shown kindness just as much as anyone else.

I don't really have alot of advice to offer when it comes to self esteem as that's something I'm really not good at myself. But know that you aren't alone in how you are feeling. I hope you get some good advice from others here that can help you.

Take care and we are here for you 🙂

Thank you so much @Former-Member ! Sometimes just knowing you aren't alone can help so very much. I really appreciate it.
I do hope your day is improving. ❤️

@LwaxanaTroi it can definitely help knowing that you aren't alone.

Thankyou. my day is all over the place but I'm still here and I'm so thankful to have this community support right now.

@LwaxanaTroi Big win indeed, good on ya!! I'm really glad to hear that the crisis line was a supportive experience for you 😊

Self-esteem is a tricky one!! I think because we are biologically wired to be social animals, so we tend to put a lot of stock into the opinions of others. And yeah you hit the nail on the head w how much capitalistic ideologies play a part in this as well. It's actually insidious how pervasive the views are. Then there's also the fact that we're also more likely to believe something that's been repeated (even if it's not true), which means if people are repeatedly rude or disinterested in us, it can feel almost impossible to believe anything other than 'It must be me, I must be unlikeable' - no matter how much we logically know it not to be the case.

The flipside of this, and what helped me a bunch, is that repetition of good things also works!! Even though (especially at first) it felt sooooo weird, lame, awkward, and uncomfortable, I started to take time each day to repeat this little like... self-esteem poem/mantra that I wrote. I might even see if I can find it to share! But yeah like, not only does the repetition help, but so does saying it out loud. You know how sometimes we can't admit stuff out loud cos it would suddenly feel all too real? Well that works here too!

The other thing that helped me is social feedback. Much harder, because it obvs relies on having genuine and caring people around us. What's your social world look like? Do you have friends or family who you feel safe and comfortable to be vulnerable with?

I am so thankful to have this community too, @Former-Member ! ❤️ Reading your posts helped me work up the courage to post myself if I am being honest.

I am sick (had to work today anyway, couldn't afford a missed shift) and have been feeling so crummy and worthless- but just having folks who are willing to listen and sit with you in the uncomfortable mess makes me feel a bit better. Thank you.

@LwaxanaTroi I'm glad it gave you the courage to make your own post.

Sorry to hear that you aren't well, hopefully you are feeling better soon.

This community really is amazing

Hey @Jynx
Thanks for the response! The last bit is tricky though

" What's your social world look like? Do you have friends or family who you feel safe and comfortable to be vulnerable with? "

Not really... I have a partner, but I fear I already rely too heavily on him for other things.

And I haven't really made friends here since I moved. 😞

As far as family is concerned, there isn't much. Just one eccentric aunt back in the states, but I do care about her- she's my dad's older sister. We don't talk frequently.

And I guess I have been so depressed really... I have isolated myself- in part, for the betterment of others, I think. 😬

Hey @LwaxanaTroi ,

Welcome to the forums!

Thank you for sharing a little about what you are experiencing at the moment.

I hear you in regards to self-esteem.

I've met a lot of people who are just so skilled and talented in many things, yet their self-esteem keeps seems to hold them back.

For me, I find that it helps to reframe challenging thoughts. There are thoughts that may keep a person down, but a skill can be reframing.

Of course there are so many other ways as well.

Another thought is, I feel, from my own experience, that it's about who you hang out with. There are some people who are just so supportive and make you feel 'good' about yourself. Then there are others who really make me feel inferior. It's not that I don't hang around these people, but I set boundaries around how long and how often I hang around them.

Hope this sort of makes sense.

What do you think are some of your strengths?

@LwaxanaTroi @Former-Member aww you two - reading your posts has been super wholesome 😊

@LwaxanaTroi ach, that is tough!! How long you been in Oz for?

You know sometimes I think we're still in a pandemic, but it's a pandemic of loneliness and disconnection.... It's soooo hard to make new friends even when one isn't struggling with complex mental health!! I've seen articles about it too, like how it's so expensive to go out and do stuff so we all just... stay in.... alone.... isolated. Not to mention how difficult it is to find places where you can go to meet new people that aren't gatekept by money or exclusivity. So yeah, definitely lots of systemic issues at play too.

Can be sooo hard not to self-isolate when we're feeling vulnerable! If you weren't, what things might you be doing differently you reckon?

Hi @tyme thanks for responding!

I think my strengths are probably my kindness? Not really sure what else at the moment, but that's probably because I'm feeling so down. If pressed I guess maybe creativity or something?

I spend a lot of time alone or at work (dissociating because I work in hospo) so that is probably why I have let my brain get this mean to me. 😩