The art of forgiving

forgiveness is something i've struggled with and i really love the way you've explained it @heera72
"i forgive but i don't forget", it's important to remember why things happened and the lessons we learnt from them, but we're not supposed to hold onto the resentment and let it weigh on us. we are supposed to let go and overcome it 💜

@heera72

There's two sayings about forgiveness that have always struck a chord with me.

When you forgive, you in no way change the past. But you do change the future.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you.

I started to realize that that anger and resentment just wear us down. The person that caused it often goes about their lives with little knowledge or care about what they have caused. So hanging onto it only punishes ourselves,

I agree wholeheartedly @heera72 . I've experienced this many times. Without forgiveness, I wouldn't've been able to continue. It would be like lugging a huge burden on my back.

Thank you for sharing.

Me, personally, think forgiveness is overrated. Like really overrated.

I will let my anger, resentment, hate go. But I will not forgive them for what they did. I remove myself off from the situations and people that caused me harm, but I don't forgive them. They can rot in hell for all I care, they should be punished for what they did, rot in jail if appropriate.

I will however chose that they have no power over me. I take my life and my power back from those who wronged me, hurt me, abused me etc I am in control of me, my life, I won't forgive them because why should I bare the burden of their guilt, why should I just let the shit slide and let go.

I break out of the you have to forgive to move on. Forgiveness is earned; though an appology and WITH a change behaviour to follow. Then I may forgive that person because they showed they are worthy of forgiveness and a second chance.

I challenge the archaic methodology of forgiveness. I say give it those who are worthy of it.

I'm not saying hang onto the hate, anger, pain, etc. We chose to move on. We let those thing go. We get the power in that. I'd rather lean on my resourcefulness and compassion to myself, then just forgive. Weird concepts. But we take ownership over our action moving forward and make boundaries so others are less likely to repeat those behaviours towards us too.

For me, I feel that forgiveness is not about accepting what they did, but I feel forgiveness is to help me let it go.

If I hold onto this hurt, I can never let go to move on.

At the same time, I recognise your point of view too. @The-red-centaur

I 100% understand your point of view! I was the same, I wouldn't allow them to be the reason I felt angry or sad but I realised that deep down I carried resentment that didn't allow myself to fully heal, even when I moved on. A friend sent me this article that made me see another perspective. After forgiving them, not because they deserve it, but because I deserved to be able to move on without being filled with hatred, sadness or resentment, I felt a sense of relief and realised that is what moving on and healing felt like. I'll link the article below incase you want to have a look.

https://calmandcaring.com/gold-coast-psychologist/f/the-mental-health-benefits-of-forgiveness