When the child hits your inner child

So probably around a month ago I was caught in a flashback moment where I was being yelled at cowering and it was then I realised that my inner child is still neglected and crying please someone hear and understand me. I'd love to say I started the hard work but I haven't. I tried to read somethings and honestly besides the trigger of everything encouraging you to rely on your support system that I don't have any of, I am still in the harmful environment so I cannot heal or delve into the situation until I feel safe.

Anyway my 12 year old niece wrote this letter today. It's been a hard year. We've never missed out on so much and been so apart and yet here she is still trying to share hope and when I read you understand me and listen to me. My dissociation that I've spent weeks on holding broke in a moment. I've given the 12 year old what my 35 old self still cries for. Not really sure what to do with that yet but I will hold it close, knowing despite what I'm missing I gave to her.