Advice for a carer for someone with major depression

Dear @MavenX ,

I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling in knowing how to support someone with major depression.

You are right in saying that it's a lot harder when someone doesn't want to talk.

Things you can consider:

- ask them to journal or write their thoughts down (whether you read it or not)

- go for a walk and let the conversation come naturally

- let them know how you are feeling using "i" statements e.g. 'When I see you like this, I feel desperate to help you but I really don't know how. Can you think of how I can make it easier for you?'

- go for a car ride (car ride conversations are seen as less confronting because neither are directly facing each other)

- encourage them to talk to a specialist if they feel they can't open up to you - provide them with the contact details of helplines, counsellors etc.

- offer to go with them to appointments

@MavenX , when I was very depressed, I wasn't a talker either. Believe it or not, these very forums was what helped me get the thoughts out of my head because it is anonymous. I wonder if a platform like this will be helpful for your loved one?

Also, please remember to look after yourself. SANE's Guided Recovery may be helpful for you (or him) if you are eligible. To check your eligibility, go to: https://www.sane.org/referral

Thankyou @tyme for your lovely reply. I have tried going down many paths you have suggested, unfortunately they have not worked. He doesn't like going on walks for other circumstances, though I might be able to get him to come for a walk with our dog. I have briefly mentioned how I feel, which they cannot express what they need or want help with. We love going on car rides, or motorbike rides which I have been attempting to encourage more of, though he has no motivation at this current time and struggles to get out of bed let alone the house. unfortunately, his depression is quite debilitating. I have managed to get him to go see some specialist and people to talk to and get help, which hasn't worked as after sessions the depression is worse then it was to begin with and he says he also doesn't know what to talk about quote" I'm depressed, that's been established this is why I'm depressed we know that there's nothing else to talk about". He is also on medication which isn't working as well. So I'm just currently trying everywhere to find new ways we can try. We also have a weekly doctors appointment together.

My apologises to hear that you have struggled with depression. It is an awful experience and I do not wish it on anyone. Thankyou for your advice coming from a fellow non talker, I haven't thought about forums or platforms like these. I wonder if this will help him, I have a feeling it might as it is very anonymous, and he might find someone who feels the same that he can connect with.

Thankyou so much again, I really do appreciate all help and advice

MavenX.

Do you have private health insurance? I wonder if he needs a medication review or support in this area? Sometimes, TMS or ECT may be helpful for chronic depression.

I can see how depression has robbed him of living @MavenX . Please know you are not alone.

Hi @MavenX,

As someone who struggles with major depression myself, I acknowledge how hard it must be for you and how you are wanting to help but yet you are not being able to. It sucks and is not fair and is so difficult to navigate. So as someone who walks that path on a regular basis, the only helpful thing I find is to let them be, feel, think, sleep, or cry as much or as little as they need. Just be there with them and don't expect anything to come from it in terms of going for a walk or doing anything that they cannot do right now.

Just be there. I often just appreciate my husband letting me do whatever I need to do or not do in my dark moments while reminding me he is here if I need him. My husband will make meals, cups of coffee or get me whatever I need or just let me sleep as much as I need. Sometimes the most helpful thing is not putting any pressure on talking about how you are feeling, but instead being okay with just being physically present and remaining silent until they want to talk.

Just be in the moment. Let him do whatever he needs to do or say whatever he needs to say, or just give him space while reminding him he is not alone and checking on him every once in a while.

It may take some time but tomorrow is a new day and each day will be different. Go with it. Unfortunately feeling the pain and going through the suffering is the only way through it, but he doesn't have to do it alone, so just be there. That's all you can do. Best Wishes.

Hey @UnpredictableMe just a lil tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol and a drop down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out and it should then appear for you to select, then it will show up in blue, like this: @MavenX

thanks for the tip, brand new to this forum and I wasn't aware. @Jynx

No worries @UnpredictableMe 😊

More tips here if you need em!!