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Something’s not right

Cluster B brother

Cluster B brother

I have a brother that has a some cluster B, narcissistic personality disorder, mixed with some antisocial disorders. I'd like to share with everyone, the pieces of the jigsaw that I've
gathered over the years, interacting with him.

He:

1. Must be right almost all the time.

2. Thinks highly of himself, even though he's messed up badly in some parts of his life.

3. Very intolerant of criticism, even though he pretends not to be, especially when he thinks he's right.

4. Absolutely never apologizes for anything, even when everyone has pointed out he did something wrong or, is just downright obvious he messed up bad.

4.1. This part is especially true with his victims, who he considers below him and almost an insult that he should treat with them on an equal footing.

4.2. The antisocial aspect of his disorders can be clearly appreciated, when he outright states "he doesn't owe an apology", supporting such claim with weak rationalizations and/or just plain avoids and ignores the subject altogether.

5. Is a perpetual victim, even though he did something wrong, the very act of pointing this out to him, turns him into a victim and you into the bad guy.

6. When evidence begins to stack up against him when being confronted with wrongdoings, he is proficient with the "dance-around" tactic, constantly avoiding the point(s) and begins flooding the discussion/argument with a machinegun of drama and accusations of his own, to try and breakdown all communication.

Together with a fast-revolving Karpman drama triangle, he also tries his best to constantly turn the tables and make himself into the victim and you into some kind of toxic, immature moron, who is "just taking it out on him".

7. When someone or something goes against his views, he is stupendously judgemental and, when irritated enough, doesn't hold back in pointing his finger (sometimes even screaming) with inappropriate, abusive and very aggressive tones and remarks, sometimes going over the edge to pummel his victims with his words.

8. Uses streams of judgement and criticism, to wittle down and erode the self-confidence and self-assurance of others, namely, his friends, his family and his romantic relationships.

9. Is an exceptional detector of mistakes, especially those that aren't there. He's the kind of person who sees someone:

- being a beginner at something

- be proud at something they've achieved

- be a bit awkward

- committ some inconsequential error

- tell some silly joke or random opinion

Only to shred them to pieces with his words. He is an utter A hole like that.

10. Enjoys the power he gains over others though he does hide it well. Its obvious that he does because he likes to have his victims become invested and dependent on what he thinks, so he can make them dance like puppets.

He surrounds himself with such dysfunctional friendships and relationships since he was a kid.

11. Treating others like S has always delighted him. It makes him feel superior to others, even though he doesn't really have much going for him, even at nearly 40 years old.

12. Is also proficient in the repackaging of contexts, constantly and cowardly trying to hide his abusive comments under such cloaks as:

- just trying to help you

- you're just being a baby because "you're just lashing out"

- can't take even a little criticism

- talking to you is like walking on eggshells (even though he turns into a mushroom cloud of drama when he gets something pointed about him)

- you're weak because you can't take the abuse (as if discussing with other people was some sort of bootcamp)

Instead of owning the BS he spews on a regular basis.Instead of owning the BS he spews on a regular basis.

17 replies

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In response to: Cluster B brother

Re: Cluster B brother

Correct, @tyme .

While he was working, it was because he didn't want the diagnosis. (He even agrees with me that he might have it.)

Now, it's about not wanting the label.

My opinion is that labelling is good for one thing mostly: with the label and the diagnosis, comes education and treatment.

In response to: Re: Cluster B brother

Re: Cluster B brother

That's two things actually, @tyme!

In response to: Re: Cluster B brother

Re: Cluster B brother

I hear that. In a way, I think having the label can put one's mind at ease to say they are not 'crazy'. It's much harder not to know and always be wondering why they are 'odd'... @Spirit_Healer

And with the label, it depends on how he uses it.

In response to: Cluster B brother

Re: Cluster B brother

Hey @Spirit_Healer & @gatewood @WizardMotor @Dymphna21 @tyme,

I stumbled on this conversation, so happy to be here (Weirdly)
I have a really difficult relationship with m Step father who has NPD.

As a family (we're a big one) there are varying responses to his behaviour over the years, and now that's just varying differences in distance for us.

He was here recently, after a long break, and i find myself again digging for resources to help me to find a way to manage this relationship.

It's ongoing, my biggest action currently is not biting, not getting involved, and 'grey stoning' any behaviour that I'm not OK with, because most of the time I think he feeds off my distress/reactions to his behaviour.


But - I wanted to share a link re: ASD vs NPD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEDda93M_mg

It's helpful to define.
I have AMAZING LOVING ENGAGED CARING people in my life who sit on the spectrum... and want to make sure the distinction is clear.

Sending hugs to you all.

In response to: Re: Cluster B brother

Re: Cluster B brother

Hi @Whistlefreely

We wanted to take this opportunity to welcome you to the forums.

We hope that you find the forums a great place to connect with other members, share stories and ideas, and find the support and connection you deserve.

Feel free to Introduce yourself here if you haven’t already!

We look forward to seeing you around on the forums!

In response to: Re: Cluster B brother

Re: Cluster B brother

Thank you for sharing @Whistlefreely ,

That's certainly very interesting 🙂

Did you know the NPD has been removed from the DSM?

In response to: Re: Cluster B brother

Re: Cluster B brother

Really interesting that it's been removed. It's it's a general list of personality disorders, then that makes sense...
I also find the DSM a weird tool at the best of times anyway 😉

Amongst my people we do have lots of conversations of differences in personality disorders or just struggles to be a decent, respectful human.

I knows lots of the why my step-father behaves the way he does, but struggle with the lack of insight/reflection skills... but this is a skill set...


hope you're doing better within yourself and your relationship with your family member

Thanks!

Whistlefreely [edited by moderator]

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