Too true old son, too true. And thank you.
I have no answers. I do know that you can lose everything that means anything to you in an instant, even though you care deeply for who used to be your stepdaughter. 'Used to be' because as was explained to me at length and in detail, the past 10 years have been a series of emotional abuse, lies, and deceptions, that latter on her behalf to tolerate my existence, and the emotional abuse being me apparently.
When she ... apparently, I'm not allowed to explain the physical action of how she scored her first goal in football ...she came running up to me and jumped into my arms. She comes home and tells me about her day at school and now university. She comes out from here study me to have random conversations with me. We watch TV together which she continuously interjects to discuss various topics, which are [ ] but which I loved listening to because she was with me. Every morning she'd give me a hug and a kiss, and at night when she goes to bed the same but with a 'I love you,' There's a photo on the wall of her sitting on my lap as we do something. There's a photo of her joyously drawing people so I have 'toe people.' Ditto for this marble game where I entered her world of planets and people and scenarios. I was a middle aged bachelor then with no experience of children, nor particularly liking them, but here I was sitting on the floor construction a marble world as she explained the details of this imaginary world. I can hardly walk but it was me who went to the park with her to practice and get better at football. It was me who suggested that she brings her girlfriend home to sleep rather than fumbling around in cars in deserted carparks where these two young, naive, women were at risk. It was me she asked how to make love to a woman even though she has a mother and who is gay. It was me who she shared her exam results with, not her mother, in fact, I had to tell her to tell her mother. It was me she came home to and disclose her first kiss with who is now her girlfriend. ... the memories keep flooding back
Here's the thing that I do not understand. If mum and former stepdaughter consider the last 10 years to be the subject of emotional abuse by me, why then does mum go away to another town to live and work for the past 2-3 years and leave her then teenage daughter in the hands of an emotionally abusive person?
I just don't get it.
And this all happened after I'd caught her in a lie and violating her principles that she then went on to blame on a 'alter.' Only since then have I become the demon in her life, which her mother has joined forces with since returning 'home' from working away.
I'm tired. Really, really tired. I can't keep fighting. Caring for someone that does not care about you ... even though three weeks ago she signed off an email, 'Your daughter,' ... I am just tired. I surrender. Tell me what you want from me. Tell me what you want me to do. I'll do it. I'm not going to argue. I'm not going to question it. I'm not going to consider whether it is in the best interests of the former stepdaughter, despite the advice of two psychologists. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. I cannot stand the hate directed at me anymore. ... this is what I said to her mum, other than the last bit, and I said that I would be grateful to do whatever they wanted, and my former stepdaughter just stood there, coldly. Not caring. Resenting me.
Based on my experience, what I can tell you, it simply goes from bad to worse and there is no way to rectify the situation. You cannot help, and you have to watch and do nothing as it all falls to pieces, yourself, your relationship, and her life. It is her life, I get it, but you cannot help but be concerned when they are engaging in risky behaviour and not taking their mental health condition seriously. Who wouldn't be concerned?
Good luck, old son. You'll need it.
