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Unreciprocated Love

P12Senior Contributor24 Dec 2024, 4:19 pm AEDT

Unreciprocated Love

I am sorry if this is a strange question. I think I am largely naive about this subject but I would like to try to learn about it. I think I am experiencing unreciprocated love. Would anyone be able to explain what is occurring to me to help me understand?

I have known a person through a common interest activity for six years. We meet roughly every two or three months. However, consciously and unconsciously I think about them every day. I hoped we could be friends because I realised we share many interests. I feel I tried very hard to establish a connection. However, eventually I realised it would probably not eventuate because they seemed not to reciprocate my thoughts. Several months ago they apparently decided to form a relationship with another person. At this time I think I experienced what is called heartbreak.

I have had similar experiences with two people previously. The first person I saw several times on a train and in a building I visited for work. I determined their name and sent them two messages, but they never replied and I haven't seen them since. The second person I met through a common interest activity six and a half years ago. We attended roughly fifteen activities together over roughly two and a half years. Gradually they stopped attending, and when I last contacted them six months ago. I think about these experiences occasionally.

I wish I had a friend, and as far as I know the best criterion is someone who shares the same interests as me. I have never had a relationship. I was told I have a form of autism.

2 replies

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In response to: Unreciprocated Love

rav3nSenior Contributor24 Dec 2024, 4:34 pm AEDT

Re: Unreciprocated Love

hey there @P12 thanks for sharing your experience. not a strange question at all!

i have experienced unreciprocated love not too long ago so i can understand how painful it must've felt to see the person with someone else.

have you heard of limerence? What is Limerence? Definition and Stages | Attachment Project

some of what you've described reminds me of this term, i've linked the explanation above - if it does relate to you, perhaps understanding what limerence is can help you process some of these mixed feelings.

In response to: Unreciprocated Love

Unknown userMember25 Dec 2024, 5:33 am AEDT

Re: Unreciprocated Love

@P12 I don't know if this helps but I wrote this at a time too this year which has happened to often where I feel my love is not equally or remotely reciprocated at the same level and it hurts. I am yet hoping and waiting as I learn to find my value and worth; I can engage people and identify their capacity and engagement early so I can rebuild friendships that are valued and choose me too!

When did I become too much for someone to take a moment to care, show up, respond

Its confusing when I thought there was friendship, there was reciprocation, wasn’t there a bond

But now I find myself in hardship, I’ve tried to reach out, extend love, yet no one is around

I think the hardest realisation is that if the situation was flipped, I wouldn’t hesitate, next to you I’d be found

See I’ve never really asked for help, it’s not in my nature to do

And even now I don’t expect physical aid, just a message to say hey I’m here I see you

Because it’s not the physical stuff that’s most important to me

Just human connection, interaction, that when I message, a reply would be guaranteed

But I’ve messaged, showed up, sending love, showing that I care

But I’ve found often this action is unsuccessful, and I’m left feeling bare

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