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Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

NikNikSenior Contributor31 Jan 2017, 1:38 pm AEDT

Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Having a loved one with BPD

During this Topic Tuesday we look at BPD and share information, experiences and tips on the illness and how you and your loved one (i.e.: partner, parent, child, other family member or friend) can create and maintain a healthy relationship.

Things you can do now:

1) Hit the 'Like' button below to receive an email reminder on the night

2) Read our Q&A with Ace, a husband whose wife has BPD

3) Can't make the session? Leave your question below to be answered during the session

67 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Rosie4Casual Contributor21 Feb 2017, 7:54 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Hi @olly53

It sounds like you are doing really wonderfully actually with your grandson. Maybe what he needs most is to know you are there (even in the background) and approachable for him and his needs too. Information is always great, and you seem really onto the importance of his needs as well as your daughter's needs. I really wanted to encourage you with this.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

SledgeCasual Contributor21 Feb 2017, 7:57 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Sounds like my girl. She was diagnosed with BPD at 21 last year after having a breakdown that put her into hospital. This episode followed a string of similar hysterical breakdowns, followed by remorse and calm for a few months, until the next episode. She is certainly aware of her diagnosis, and tell me she has started attending therapy sessions, but I have no idea if she is telling the truth. She does not live at home and, like you, I still get the phone calls where she is in tears or enraged. No help, sorry, but I hear you. I am in the process of learning how to respond appropriately in a way that doesn't inflame her rage but so that she doesn't feel I'm patronising her either.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

WaterlilyContributor21 Feb 2017, 7:57 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Rockpool and Rosie .... it gets to a point where the texts can start me feeling anxious!! What drama will the next one bring?? I have had some real doozies over the years and you don't have a chance to anticipate bad news is coming as you would face to face. It's a thunderbolt from the blue "my power has been cut off " or "I am at the hospital' etc

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

olly53Contributor21 Feb 2017, 7:59 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Thanks Natty967 I had a look at the pamphlet and will print it out for my grandson to read. It is nice and simple and informative too. I walk a tight rope trying to support both of them especially now that my daughter is in denial.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

WaterlilyContributor21 Feb 2017, 8:00 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Hi Sledge, can you talk to her on Skype or FaceTime? I always find it easier to "read" my daughter if I can see her in particular regarding whether she is lying...

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

LAmourContributor21 Feb 2017, 8:01 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

I think that one of the hardest things for us has been knowing where to start with seeking help. In my experience, there are nowhere near enough resources/services and there is quite a bit of stigma associated with the diagnosis of BPD. I have been told through my GP that one sought-after psychiatrist told her there is no way he would take us on because of the BPD.

Navigating the system is a nghtmare and we have no residential treatment in my city for people under 18

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember21 Feb 2017, 8:05 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Thanks for sharing that @Natty967, its always good to have as much information up your sleeve as possible!

It sounds as though @misunderstood and @olly53 are in similar situations where communication with your daughters are limited. @olly53 it can be so hard to set a boundary like you have but it is good that you were able to recognise that you dont deserve to be put down or abused. It sounds as though she was working well for a while to address her illness, but has now stopped receiving support. It can be hard to know how to work with her illness, however setting a boundary around abuse is an important thing. How do you cope with having limited contact with your daughter? This is a tough thing for anyone to go through!

@misunderstood your situation is also a difficult one and it is hard not to know how your daughter is truely going from her. Feeling left in the dark is difficult and I am glad to hear that you have your faith to guide you, having that hope is important for your wellbeing. Hopefully some progress for her is not far off.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

SledgeCasual Contributor21 Feb 2017, 8:09 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Dear Misunderstood, like you, my daughter and I have been through years of screaming and rage and tears. Really destructive stuff. What is interesting is that she has a powerful work ethic, she is goal-oriented and has the potential to really make something of herself, she is valued by her colleagues. At 21 she has taken herself off overseas a couple of times, is keen to learn, and I have no doubt of her future potential EXCEPT when it comes to relationships. I fear she will struggle to find happiness in a relationship because of her inability or unwillingness to recognise when its time to put the brakes on and take herself out of the picture. I am gradually beginning to accept at the deepest level that she is on her own journey and that some of the challenging qualities that she exhibits are the dark side of what also make her a creative and valued colleague with a terrific sense of adventure. For me, the journey is about learning to let go of my desire for her to behave more appropriately.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

olly53Contributor21 Feb 2017, 8:09 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

I have an overwhelming guilt about deserting her but she has given me no choice. I am talking to my grandson on facebook daily and he will tell me if things get out of hand so to speak. Strangely I felt relief when I went no contact as the relationship has deteriated over a period of time. My sister died unexpectedly 2 years ago and I have struggled ever since to be there for her as I was previously.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember21 Feb 2017, 8:11 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Having a loved one with BPD // 21 Feb, 7pm AEDT

I agree @LAmour, finding resources and treatment can really be a challenge at times and the stigma associated with BPD is a big issue and incredibly stigmatising. Attitudes towards BPD are changing slowly and hopefully more funding gets put into services that cater for BPD. Stigma among mental health professionals is disappointing and definitely an issue that needs to be addressed

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.