Scared, alone and overwhelmed

How is one supposed to manage so many thoughts, feelings and emotions all at once. When things start racing through your mind and you aren't able to distinguish one feeling from the next. When the anxiety takes over and you can't find calm no matter what you try. When the thoughts are so incredibly intense and relentless. When the emotions completely take hold and you find yourself sad or feeling numb or angry or everything all at the same time.

I keep finding myself so completely overwhelmed and feeling so on edge. I truly feel broken beyond repair. I try so hard to hide it all to not show how I'm feeling, to put on a brave face and pretend that everything is ok. But the truth is it's not ok, nothing is at the moment.

My thoughts get the better of me almost every day and losing control is my body's only way of coping, the only way I get any relief, the only way for a moment when I don't feel anything.

This time of year is so incredibly stressful as i know it is for alot of people. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not alone in this but reality is other than here i am completely alone with no friends or family.

I just wonder when will this pain and suffering end, is there a way through this, is there light at the end, will things ever truly get better?

I'm sad and alone, I'm angry and frustrated, I'm scared and hurting, I feel worthless and like I'm a failure, I feel guilty and I hate myself so much.

Sorry but I just needed to get this out somewhere. I'm trying so hard to just keep pushing through, I really am but it just feels that no matter what I do it's never going to be enough.