RainbowzebraContributor
My life is a train wreck
TW: SH, Sui, SA
I'm so done with life. I have CPTSD and I have spent as long as I can remember fighting it. The last 8 years have been so bad and this year is just a series of unfortunate events. Feel like I get knocked down, pull myself up and get knocked down again, pull myself up .... over and over again and I don't have the strength anymore. I think I must have broken a mirror or something because I seem to attract the worst luck in the world. I try really hard to be a kind positive person, but the universe doesn't seem to repay me. Karma can't be real because I try my best to be a good person but I keep getting sh*t on!
TW: SH
I'm done. I've been SH tonight for the first time in a long time. Very superficial but it's a slippery slope. I'm wildly depressed and want to give up, but I don't actually want to die it's actually better when I'm fully suicidal. It's more depressing wanting to live but feeling like it's just too hard.
I've tried so much therapy but I'm just broken. I'm horribly lonely ,everybody I know has a partner and there is me at nearly 35 wildly alone and incapable of doing anything about it thanks to childhood SA.
I just don't know what to do anymore I'm so tired, so alone, and so hopeless. I'm too broken to get my life together and it hurts.
I can't afford anymore therapy as thanks to my disastrous life in now wildly in debt (mostly to the vet) so I can't even get help.
Sorry I'm rambling, I just don't know what to do anymore.