Hi.
Firstly, good on you for trying to understand your husbands depression and anxiety. I can understand first hand how this effects your whole family.
I too suffer from severe cronic depression, I think that secretly I've always carried a hint of this from young. But following a severe work injury around 5 years ago I spiralled into a bad place, constantly thinking I'm a failure and with thoughts of suicide present daily. I literally spent almost 2 years layed on a mattress on the floor waiting for surgery while the insurer and WorkCover argued about who will pay and who they will blame.
As a family we lost everything in these 2-3 years, our house, car, savings etc etc. So you can understand the stress that this put on us as a family!
For me, I carried the guilt of our predicament massively and I still do. I've tride psychology treatment, and massive amounts of meds and still to this day I truly believe that I'm no better off. The guilt is still there, the dissapointment and the sadness. I know secretly that my wife would be far better off having a fresh start with someone that is able to physically and mentally keep up and provide for them. But they are still here!!
I was told at 41 years old that I was unemployable and that no employer would ever take me on so my only option in a disability pension from Centerlink, this made me mad, it frustrated me and sent me spiralling down in a state of depression.
After many sad days, I had a brain wave and I decided to look into what I used to do as a kid, what my interest were etc.
After plenty of thought I decided f*ck it!! I'm going to start my own company which I did 6 months ago. I'm not making millions, but it's something I'm proud of and I can now hold my head up high when past and present freinds and family ask what I'm doing. There actually suprised.
I still have sad days, days of being overwhelmed and I worry about what if but I'm glad to say that there are more days were I'm excited to get up and start to work.
It sounds very much like your hubby need to change his way of thinking, don't think about what if or what was. Try to get him to think about his interest and hobbies, see if he can create something that picks him up. He has to be creative, focus of something good and not the crappy parts as negative thoughts are much stronger and impact us more psychologically. I changed my way of thinking, other things slowly started to fall into place.
I hope this helps in some way. I can imagine how this is very tiring for you but get him to try and be the man he always wanted to be, the depression and anxiety does have to carve his future ok. He needs to find a way change his way of thinking, only he can do this!! Drugs and treatment only prolong and mask this issue.
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