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Managing relationships

Xmas, toxic family and kids

SpungoldSenior Contributor

Xmas, toxic family and kids

Hi everyone, I could use some advice.

My birth family dynamic is toxic and centres around my narcissistic mother. We had a falling out at the beginning of the year and I’ve not had much to do with her or my two brothers this year.
However, I still sent birthday gifts for my nieces and messaged them. One of my brothers didn’t bother to send anything to my kids and only messaged me at the end of the day to wish them a happy birthday. My kids felt pretty horrible and rejected.
my question is - should I message my brother to see if he’s going to bother sending them Xmas gifts or should I just use the money I would’ve spent on my nieces Xmas gifts on my kids instead?
I know it sounds petty but we’ve always spoilt our nieces and my brother never did that for my kids (despite earning more than twice my income). He’s the golden child and I’m the black sheep/people pleaser in this toxic family dynamic and I want to end the cycle for my kids.

Any advice would be appreciated.

14 replies

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In response to: Xmas, toxic family and kids

tymeModerator

Re: Xmas, toxic family and kids

@Spungold , How are you going? Are you still comfortable with the decision you've made about whether to connect or not connect with different family members?

In response to: Re: Xmas, toxic family and kids

SpungoldSenior Contributor

Re: Xmas, toxic family and kids

Hi @tyme thanks for your message, how’re you going?

I’ve sent off gifts and heartfelt messages for my nieces. My kids deserve much more from my family than they’ll ever receive but I’m working on being ok with that and teaching my kids that their worth is not subject to how they’re treated by my family.
This is an emotional time of year for anyone. My focus is on making sure my kids have an amazing day. We’re spending time with my husband’s family and they’ll have a great time with their cousins!

Thanks again for checking in @tyme, it’s truly appreciated ☺️

In response to: Re: Xmas, toxic family and kids

tymeModerator

Re: Xmas, toxic family and kids

The life's lessons they can learn from this is something they won't forget @Spungold . I acknowledge it's not easy, but it's a start to helping the next generation be better people.

Amazing work 🙂

So glad to hear from you.

In response to: Re: Xmas, toxic family and kids

SpungoldSenior Contributor

Re: Xmas, toxic family and kids

Thanks @tyme, for your kind words. ☺️

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