IdontknowanonContributor
Coping through BPD (or what speaks to me greater - Complex PTSD?)
Just this year I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I wondered why I was granted such little sympathy, empathy or respect. Over the past year I have been battling immensely with a hard wake up call to my behaviours and traumas. Most of which I have put myself through, I get it, I know. But, it doens’t help to be constantly judged, picked on, bullied, harassed and discriminated by my ill behaviours. I am a woman. I have feelings. I was born in the right body and the fact that I am psychologically tormented to believe I don't own my sexuality is traumatising. I am a hetrosexual woman and I should not have to feel any less than that due to a first impression or judgement. I was born a woman and still am. I have put myself through a lot of trauma, but it is not as if I was born without parents. It is not as if I didn’t grow up surrounded by peers. Where did things go wrong for me? I sometimes feel like I was born backwards. Everyone judges me but no one see’s me. No one recognises my emotions. I feel neglected and something to be feared. And it seems like it doesn't matter what I do I am still expected to be judged, even if I am doing the right thing. I really want to make the initiative to change being I want to start owning my diagnosis in Borderline Personality Disorder/Complex PTSD. I am sick of feeling a victim to it and societies victim in general. It is no fun and unsafe for everyone. I do not want to cause harm to other people and threaten their fundamental values/morals. I do not want to be a demon anymore. I want to break free of the haunting trauma and feel expectance in myself and comfortable amoungst society. I work hard on myself and find that maintaining a healthy lifestyle really helps to keep me ontop of my mental health. I still face the reality of judgement and lack of understanding. But I try to stay strong and keep advocating for myself. I love to do art, exercise, eat healthy and I hope I don’t jinx myself in confidently expressing my helpful strategies to manage my life. I stay far far away from drugs and alcohol as I know how challenging it is to stay on top of your mental health putting mind altering chemicals in your body. I eat fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains and whole foods. I love my lifestyle and I am falling in love with my potential. I love the idea of achieving and don’t doubt my capabilities anymore. At least I try not too. People will bring you down when they don’t believe in themselves. Who am I to judge. Life is not a competition, it is not a race. I have goals to do well and break free of the trauma.
