GalacticRoseContributor
Coming back to work after PTSD
Hi all,
I survived human trafficking and ritual cult abuse as a child (my father was also responsible) and I became really sick and damaged when I was nearly 30 and have been that way for 6-7 years, I'm now 36. I have endured enormous pain and suffering and have a condition of complex PTSD together with polyfragmented DID. I'm trying to come back to work after 6-7 years off due to illness and its super hard and discouraging. I feel like a lot of my dreams have been compromised because of my illness and I feel really tender, kind of like the emotional equivalent of a burn victim.
I'm starting here because while I'm in therapy with a great therapist, right now I need more. I just need somewhere to talk and express my ideas and what I'm feeling. I would never get into the gritty details of this with a friend because I don't think they would be able to hold space for something like this and it would compromise our friendship. I have told a few friends about this and they've been empathetic, but I would never heavily lean on them for emotional support. I think my viewpoint on this is wise, accurate, and practical.
I have made a lot of strides towards recovery. One area in which I never thought would be true but now I totally excel is in the social realm and the realm of human friendships. Whereas most of my life I struggled socially, now I make friends left and right, and they're all really healthy and well-balanced relationships.
I'm still struggling with work. I feel like so much of my talent and potential has been wasted due to my illness and trauma compounded with the devastation of misogyny that I've faced at work (I'm a professor at a university in a STEM field where there's next to no women -- not a great working environment from someone who's been horribly violated by men for most of my life.)
I'm also struggling with taking care of my body. I've gained weight due to my illness that I'm trying to lose. Before that I was in great shape. But I eat to mask the immense amounts of pain in my body. Also when I'm stuck on the couch and can't exercise due to disability, it makes it more likely to eat.
Any words of encouragement or gentle advice from someone who has been or is trying to reclaim the work and fitness spheres of their life after massive devastation would be welcome. Have a great day.
