feeling dissapointed /disheartened

Hello forum friends hows the weather where you are? here its quite cool after a quite humid few days , anyway to get to the point Im feeling down today because well its that time of year where finances are becoming difficult anyway Im mostly dissapointed today because Ive come to realise that Im short on being able to provide for a family members birthday thats coming up all because timing of pay day is wrong timing pluss bills of course anyway Im dissapointed in another family memeber whos not really helping ,that is their suposedy getting a birthday cake and yet their not willing to help out with upcoming christmas which will be difficult to afford evven though they expect to comeover for christmas day lunch this year they dont seem willing to help chip in for it ,I dont know Im also dissapointed in myself because theres a few things bill wise that I just cant manage to pay and those things are going to have to be left unpaid for the timebeing untill I get paid next week ,sometimes I wish I could afford to do everything that needs doing and pay everything that needs paying especially this time of year but I just cant afford it sadly which makes me sad and angry cause some things are essential bills ect and theyre just going to have to be paid late and their gonna have to somehow be ok with it being paid late ,and I can barely afford family memebrs birthday its dissapointing ,I cant believe that Even though my mother is coming over this year for christmas day she isnt willing to chip in towards the christmas day lunch it makes me feeel like shes freeloading to have me pay for it even if I can barely manage these type of special occasions ,in general she used to help with cost of shared lunches but now it seems to fall on me to foot the full bill each time ,Ironically most of what we have left of money this week has to go towrads at least more more essential bill ,this means that we cant really afford much food this week either ,its just an endless cycle that once you get behind on one bill you have to spend less on food to be able to pay that bill back ,just sad just depressed just flat out dissapointed and sad ,angry but more so quietly angry at my mother for not being a little helpfull ,parental expectation hey anyway Lost angel feeling little lost ,it seems sometimes when you ask for scraps your still asking people for too much ,Ive learnt that in regards to myself asking people for bare minimim is still asking too much no wonder I dont like asking for help but am yet more than happy to overly help others when there in need