Miscommunication turning into me exploding

Hey @Mooshi ,

I'm hearing you @Mooshi . I certainly have my own lived experience of this.

I feel that borderlines are quite in tune to how people look, feel etc. and hence they can 'over-read' other's emotions. While this may mean we can be more empathetic, understanding and passionate, it can also lead to misunderstanding.

For me, I walk away and to de-escalate so that I don't end up saying something I'll regret later. I find this helps a lot.

I definitely over emphasise their emotions but I guess I didn't really realise just how much I was doing it with them. Walking away has been helpful for me too it's something I've been trying to do lately because the absolute last thing I want to do is attack someone to their core enough to ruin the relationship. Thank you, your response was very validating and insightful

It seems like you are giving in when you walk away, but I find it is to protect both sides.

Walking away is not just the physical element, but also when it comes to emailing, texting and calling. I've learnt NOT to do it while I'm angry or triggered because it can really destroy relationships.

I've done and said some very hurtful things in the past when I've been upset. It's just not worth it.

At the same time, I worked through 18 months or so of Mentalisation based therapy. It helped to slow the thoughts down rather than jumping to conclusions and flying off the handle. Through this therapy, I learnt to mentalise others, and i've come to understand that the majority of the time, what I'm thinking is not actually reality. Rather, it's important to be curious and ask, "when you said .... did you mean .....?"

@Mooshi

Takes time, but it's worth it if you want to keep the relationships around you.