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Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

reasonisfamilyContributor05 Nov 2024, 9:59 pm AEDT

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Hi guys I'm sorry about the long post. It's been a really overwhelming time and I feel like I need to get this out.

How do you guys manage RSD and healthy boundaries?

I'm struggling with RSD (triggered by everything I've got on my plate) and the lack of ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries. I struggle to say no because of intense fear of conflict/rejection. I'm physically and emotionally burnt out because I can't say no. I need to sort my head out so I can be the parent/wife/friend/family member I want to be.

I've got a lot of emotionally varied situations on my plate. My wife is pregnant with our first son together. We are in the process of applying to the Family Court for access to my wife's son, his other parent has been unjustly withholding contact for more than 10 months this time. I've been learning about/not coping with my Autism and CPTSD for the last couple of years. My work has been beyond busy, I've been bringing my personal stress to work and it's affecting my team mates and clients. I am so incredibly overwhelmed with the whole range of emotions on top of severe burn-out.

6 replies

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In response to: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Cleo2Senior Contributor06 Nov 2024, 2:32 pm AEDT

Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

@reasonisfamily . I've never heard of RSD before but it makes sense to me. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Does RSD feel like fight/flight is being triggered? Because if it does, then there are lots of short techniques you can use during the day for that.

In response to: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

MJG017Senior Contributor06 Nov 2024, 3:15 pm AEDT

Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Hi @reasonisfamily, it sounds like you have a lot going on right now. I've also always struggle with that fear of rejection and saying no. It's still difficult, but I have gotten better at it. I started by instead of just trying to say no (that was too hard to consistently do), I would try something in between. For example saying "I'm not sure if I can, let me get back to you." or "I'll have to check to see if I can.". This makes it feel like i'm not outright saying no, but then gives me time to process it and most importantly, time to work on saying no because it was so difficult there in that moment I was asked initially. If I can delay my answer, then I don't feel like i'm caught in that spotlight and can have no choice buy to say yes.

I also started to change my thinking around this by asking myself if I really have to say yes to not get rejected, is this a person I want around anyway? How helpful for me mentally, is it to have people like that around me anyway. As I started to get a bit better, I found out that I could say no and people did accept it, which made it a bit easier going forward.

I also now have blocks of time where it is 'me' time and nothing will stop that. So if someone wants me to do something that interrupts it, then I feel more comfortable saying "Sorry, but i'm bust then."

I don;t know if any of this is helpful to you, but just try to keep in mind that you need to look after yourself as well, and if people don't respect that then that is a problem with them, not with you.

I hope the application for access goes well for you. It's just cruel to withhold contact like that. Good luck!

In response to: Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

reasonisfamilyContributor06 Nov 2024, 9:18 pm AEDT

Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Hey @Cleo2, yes, for me RSD triggers an initial flight/fight response followed by an intense cascade of emotions like shame, guilt and worthlessness. I've been working on using breathing exercises in the moment. I guess the struggle for me is the emotional fallout. Like so many of us with complex mental illness, self-compassion is hard 😅.

In response to: Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

reasonisfamilyContributor06 Nov 2024, 9:26 pm AEDT

Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Hey @MJG017, the alternative response to no being something in between is a great method. I'm going to give it a try. I'm also working on feeling less guilt about taking time for myself, my wife is good with understanding that. The situations I've been running into the potential conflicts recently are at work where I have no choice but to try to resolve the issue because it's with colleagues that I need to be on good terms with. Conflict resolution with RSD is hard work 😅.

In response to: Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

MJG017Senior Contributor06 Nov 2024, 10:01 pm AEDT

Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Hey @reasonisfamily

Good luck with the 'no' alternative. Work colleagues do make it trickier, it probably involved a bit more flexibility, but also some boundaries so that you don't end up being the person people just dump stuff on because you never say no. It is good to try and stay on good terms wither co-workers but not at the cost of being taken advantage of.

A good partner is so helpful when they're understanding and allow us that bit of room to 'breathe' and feel like we don't have to be that people-pleasing version of ourselves all the time.

I can't say I've ever heard of rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I know i've have had a really severe problem with rejection my whole life. I would literally do anything to avoid it, or even risk it. I'm learning, as I work on my own issues, it's very common with other adoptees (like myself) as there is this trauma response that if we don't do what people want us to do, they will reject us. So we do anything to avoid that. So I have a reasonable idea of how difficult it can be to control that fear.

It does make conflict resolution very tricky doesn't it. My solution has always been to avoid it completely, but I wouldn't say that that has always turned out to be the best way 😁

In response to: Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

reasonisfamilyContributor06 Nov 2024, 10:25 pm AEDT

Re: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

I've sort of become the team member who will go above and beyond for clients and colleagues at my own expense. Sometimes it feels easier to say yes and avoid potential conflict then feel like I'm letting people down.

I've been learning about RSD as part of the neurodiversity spectrum. It's also fairly common for people managing complex trauma. It's not considered a stand-alone diagnosis, more of an element of complex mental illness, characterised by a more intense response to potential or actual rejection or conflict. Most people have an emotional response to rejection, people dealing with RSD experience a more severe emotional response. I believe that's why we become people pleasers 😅.

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