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Will he change?

MMouseNew Contributor05 Nov 2024, 1:56 pm AEDT

Will he change?

2 year relationship F33&M37

I am very successful in my career life and travel a bit at the moment however am home every evening - I love my partner very much although he is a very insecure man and questions me about everything (eg. Did you behave today, did you speak to any men today, even when he knows I primarily deal with females in my line of work) then makes statements that have really made me depressed. I have discussed this insecurity with him previously, attempted ad offered to help him in any way, he has full access to my phone if he wishes and we don't have social media and he said he would change however its very minimal if any.

We split a few days ago and he promises to change - however he says statements like 'what do you have to lose if you come back if I don't change you can just leave' & 'you're so quick to leave when you don't get what you want (I wasn't quick to leave and it's not a matter of what I want however what I need in a relationship which is a safe emotional space within my partner) I have medical issues which means time is very precious to me and I don't want to feel like I'm wasting it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

3 replies

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In response to: Will he change?

GardensHeartSenior Contributor05 Nov 2024, 2:05 pm AEDT

Re: Will he change?

Hi @MMouse ,

Welcome for joining us here and thank you for sharing your story.

It's hard when it comes to relationships. When in situation like this, my suggestion would be, will you be able to live like this if the situation doesn't change. If not, then you should think about what's best for you.

I hope you will be able to get more opinions and support from here. Let us know if there is anything we can help you with.

In response to: Will he change?

Cleo2Senior Contributor05 Nov 2024, 3:41 pm AEDT

Re: Will he change?

When someone says they're going to change because of you, it's not going to work out. They need to want to do it for themselves. Having said that, if you choose to go back to your ex then make it clear to them how they need to change and what that would look like. If they don't do that, then you need to be prepared to leave again. Your ex's statements from when you last split are just guilting you. They will probably do the same thing again.

In response to: Will he change?

MJG017Senior Contributor06 Nov 2024, 4:11 pm AEDT

Re: Will he change?

Hi @MMouse Welcome to the group. It sounds like a very tough situation for you, but one which you have definitely gone above and beyond in. Will he change? Only he can prove that. The responses to you leaving do seem to be a bit of a red flag as he's putting it all on you rather than taking any responsibility.

Obviously no one can tell you what to do. The only thing I can suggest is to make the decision base purely on what you feel is best for you, your well being, and your happiness. I too have medical issues which make time very precious to me now as well, so I really try hard not to waste it. Part of that was to distance myself from anyone who I felt wasn't supportive of me. Life is to short to spend time trying to please people who wont appreciate it. Whether this is your partner or not, that is up to you to decide.

It feels like for your post that you have a pretty good idea what you want to decide. What are you thinking at the moment? I think your need for a relationship is 100% valid and a non-negotiable. On a side note, i'd hate to see the response from my partner if I asked her any of those questions.

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