Histories demons

Ill start will, I feel very much alone, I am developing one new friendship but its very hard for me because I feel as though something is wrong with me. Ive been with my partner for 1 and a half years, this is my first normal relationship where I am not fighting and being degraded constantly. I come from domestic violence from birth (real father was abusive to my mother) to a step father who felt my breast because he was drunk then beat me up because of his on fear and regrets from the age of 12 til 17. My first real boyfriend control me. I then moved to someone who cheated on me multiple times, then ended up with a narcissist who started to become violent towards the end of the relationship, he look my money so I was trapped. I got out of all those situations and now I am left with the fallout of my mind and the pain almost 2 years later. Im not sure how to go about any of this, im almost too scared, I almost feel like my problems arent that big but I know they are. I am happy where I am currently but my past keeps haunting me. It was believed that at 15 I had extremely high level anxiety disorder (I didnt finish the diagnosis). The issue is they didnt know everything, I didnt know everything that I needed to piece my outbursts together. <br>Right now, I am a mixture of numb and angery and sad so sad but I can cry. I often ask 'why me, why do I have to go through this pain' I often feel like it will never go away. I dont know what to do or who to trust. All I know is that im very much alone because the people I might be able to lean on - I just stop putting in effort and they fade away. Its hard so very hard to put everything down but I guess here is a glance.