Recent breakup, Domestic Violence and Pregnant

Hello @PS210924

This this such a lot to be going through. I'm really glad that you've found this space to use as an outlet to talk about this. I can hear how much turmoil you're facing right now, and I believe anyone in your situation would be struggling with these thoughts and unknowns. I want you to know that we're here for you no matter what you decide to do next.

I do want to hear a little more about your current supports - Are you seeing your psychologist often at the moment? And do you have any other supports outside of them to lean on - I'm hearing that you're feeling quite socially isolated, but I'm wondering if you have friends or family who you could call and talk through what you're feeling and going through right now?

I do want to include a few additional resources for you should you need them:

Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Suicide callback Service on 1300 659 467

PANDA on 1300 726 306 provides support for those who have been through a miscarriage, as well as perinatal support and information

1800Respect on 1800 737 732 offers support for those who have experienced DV and can assist to connect you with supports, perhaps they may be able to let you know about support groups if you're hoping to speak to others who have been in similar situations

Thank you again for sharing your story here, it takes a lot of courage to do. I hope that this can be a safe space for you.

I was seeing my psychologist on a fortnightly basis this has since be changed to weekly due to the events I have recently been experiencing and continue to face.

My only social interactions are with my support workers who see me 3 days a week. Today's the day I don't have them with me and today is the day I find I struggle every week. My ex partner is attending court today for the domestic violence and I have been struggling today and my anxiety has been quite bad knowing he is there, knowing I can't see him and then the not knowing of what events are going to unfold over the coming weeks.

The police have referred me to a few DV services and I am actively engaged with them. I have called these services a few times in the past but I did not find them to be that helpful.

I think finding out I am pregnant again and grieving a relationship I wanted to work is my biggest struggle right now and then adjusting to the sudden changes and being alone. I can't focus on my tv, and usually this would be a good distraction and I am just staring blankly at the walls or the roof or sleeping for as long as I can.

I'm really scared for the coming weeks and my future. The idea of meeting another person in the future and being on a time limit of coming to a decision on whether to keep a pregnancy or not. My ex has made comments that I am not capable of being a mother and it's something I have never forgotten and he said my mental health is to blame. I have my own home, I pay my own bills, I have pets I have had for 10 years but I still feel like his comment saying I am not capable is sitting over my head and inside my mind and I am starting to believe it. I even had the idea of following through with the pregnancy and giving it up for another family that is capable and can be in a loving functional home but even then the regret would sit over my head for the rest of my life with that aswell and the judgement of other people will forever haunt or follow me.

Oh, of course today would be a very hard day knowing that he is in court @PS210924 that would understandably be causing your anxiety to spike.

I'm glad that you were able to reach out here today

I'm glad to hear that you've been accessing these supports during this big time of change and uncertainty. It's natural to grieve that relationship and the future you may have pictured together, it's a hard thing to adjust to when things come to an end. And processing this while trying to make this decision about your pregnancy would naturally be making things more heightened and more challenging to cope with. I wish I had the right answer for you, but I want you to know that this is not a place of judgement, regardless of whatever choice you make.

I do also want to highlight that while it's understandable to start to believe the negative things we're told about ourselves, particularly when they're repeated in abusive situations, these words don't reflect the truth of you, they reflect the person who said such hurtful things. Struggling with mental health does not make someone incapable or unable to be a good mother.

I know that today is especially hard, so I'm wondering if maybe the focus can be on just getting through the day? Or the next hour, the next minute. In these really hard times somtimes we just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, trusting that the path is going to get easier eventually.

Hi @PS210924

I'm really sorry about what you must be going through right now. It's such a lot to deal with and some bid decisions to make. Hopefully reaching out and sharing your feelings and emotions will be helpful in making sense of these thoughts and give you some clarity to decide what to do going forward. A lot of people have told me this year that reaching out for help is a strength, not a weakness. So while I understand how overwhelming it must feel right now, it seems you are still showing that strength in reaching our here like you have.

I also think it is important to remember just how much you are going through and how much you have been through. And that a lot of the feelings of worthlessness and blame your are having are from the trauma you have experienced. They certainly don't represent who you are, but rather what you have been through.

It's totally understanding just how overwhelmed you must feel right now... anyone would feel the same. But keep reminding yourself that it in no way means these feelings will last forever. You've dealt with pain before, and you still continue to show that strength so as unlikely as it probably feels right now, you do have the strength to heal and find happiness again.

Obviously though, you are facing some big decisions but they don't have to made alone. We are here to support you as best we can, and your psychologist can help as well. And as @Ru-bee has already suggested, there are crisis lines you could call for some support as well. Is there a pregnancy support service in your state you could talk to get more of an idea of what you may need going forward? You have so much going on, it's only natural you will feel torn. The only advice I can give you in making them is to make them based on being kind to yourself and your own well-being.