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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh @Zoe7 what a hard time you are having. Reminds me if when I walked out of my psychologists appointment early this year, because I didn't want to talk to him about 'his topic'. Too hard I thought. Wish I had stayed and hashed it out with him then. Hindsight.
One thing my new 'at the last hospital' psychiatrist helped me with. I was discussing what had happened with the Old Bugger and how helpless and terrified I was. Just telling her that, my body started reacting, as if I was reliving it again. I was starting to freak out. She told me to stop. And now tell her what good things happened after the old bugger tried to have me locked in the psych ward.
I said "the professor of psychiatry at the public hospital stepped in & believed me."
I was kept in the ED.
Mum came and stayed with me for 2 days in hotels while the CAT Service looked after me.
I finally got a bed in the private hospital I liked.
I got her as a psychiatrist.
She put me on meds to shut down my brain.
I was safe.
It's important that when we remember and start to react - physically and mentally - to a trigger, that we STOP & try and think of what has happened since then, that was good. That was positive.
Yours could be;
Your ex leaving you or vis versa.
Your students.
Having a job that kept you busy.
Buying your own home.
Getting Cat and then Toby.
Their companionship.
Finding this Forum.
Finding your gp.
Finding your psychiatrist.
Having your gp and psychiatrist treat you as an outpatient - so you don't have to go to hospital.

Niw I don't pretend that this makes everything okay. It doesn't. What it does do - is stop your body's physical reaction to a stress.
It helps you try and remember the feelings that went with those happy moments.
Try and remember what it was like when you first brought Toby home. How playful was he? How did Cat react?
How did you feel when you finally found this Forum site and how quickly friendships were made here.
Sometimes it's hard to think of anything positive. Other times it imperative that we do. To stop us tipping back into our fears.
I know my story is different from yours. But the instant terror that the Old Bugger purposely created for me - is the same body reaction when that man near your gate - terrified you.
I hope you are able to think of happy memories a little bit tonight. Even just memories of Cat & Toby. I'm happy to help.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oops typing at the same time @Former-Member 😊

Sending all my strength to help you get through this weekend @Zoe7. Thinking of you.

💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

No need to be concerned @Former-Member ...what will be will be!

@utopia I don't know how to stop this anymore. It is constant and all consuming. Nobody 'gets it' because nobody knows 'all of it' - and I can't talk. It may help if I could but I can't - I have never been able to. Small bits and pieces, and parts in a round-about-way - but not the 'whole story' - that will never be told because it is too painful for me so I can only imagine what it would be like for others to 'hear' it. So I am stuck in a place where I can't go back and 'lock back away' everything that has been 'unlocked' and I can't move forward because the thought of increasing this pain is more than I can cope with.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes @Zoe7. You do sound stuck half way.
I was referring to when you think of that man at the gate - to try and stop those thoughts from leading back to an earlier trigger. Purely to prevent a new trigger. You got inside. You were safe inside with Cat and Toby.
I don't want you to end up adding this man to other triggers.
I don't think your psychiatrist is going to push for more and more stories. I think she is trying to work out the best balance of medication and therapy that will help put some of those memories away - or dulled down. She is working to help you. It may just take a bit moretime yet.
Can you try and hang out here on the forum with us tonight?

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Love you @Zoe7 here for you

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Pepsimax

@utopia I don't know if I can tonight. I don't want to say the wrong thing inadvertently!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7,

I haven't caught up on all your news, but I just happened to see your post about not being able to talk about your icky trauma stuff. All the current research regarding trauma indicates that you don't need to talk about it in order to heal from it. I just wanted to tell you that because it sounds like you fear if you can't verbalise it, you won't be able to move forward from where you are now. It is not hopeless @Zoe7.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I know you are trying to help @Phoenix_Rising - and I do thankyou for that - but it is more complicated than being able to 'talk' about things. The situation I am in now has never felt more hopeless.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 ..... 💐💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 I am super sorry to hear how utterly hopeless you are feeling. I know how truly awful, frightening and, well, hopeless hopelessness feels. It totally and utterly sucks.

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