Am Not Coping

Thank goodnes @Faith-and-Hope - I could have salad with anything though - even just chips and salad would do me - I love my salads and my vegies.

Aw Shucks!!

@utopia. re love & hugs, thanks 😘

@utopia I am not sure whether I am more amused by the purple hair or the eucalyptus tattoo - both are pretty cool

It seems that my 'exercise induced asthma' is now also 'regular' asthma and we may be on top of that now. So hopefully that will help with all my chest infections and my body's ability to fight off such infections. It is very hard to do when you can't breathe!

As for my PTSD, depression and anxiety - well that is another story. 'Resistant major depression' and 'severe complex PTSD' are still very strong and very debilitating. The daytime anxiety is more under control and my anxiety levels at night are nowhere near as severe. The nightmares and flashbacks have improved but it does seem that when I have them they are increasingly complex i.e. more than one 'event' at a time and the physical effects are amplified. There have been some huge triggers over the last week which have not helped and 'anniversaries' add to the triggers.

@utopia I'm really glad you are not my doctor - I wouldn't be able to keep my blood pressure down from all the laughing - it is bad a enough now (my GP has to stop talking otherwise I respond or giggle and we have to start again). She really is hard work sometimes lol

@Sans911 I know you said don't respond but I have to because that is a really sweet and caring post. Yes it is really hard when you are so unwell both physically and mentally and I am sorry that you have been so unwell and had to have minor surgery. I honestly do not know why there are so many people that seem to want to support me here - there are so many wonderful people in this community that deserve more support.

@utopia I have mentioned my MI before a few times - I suppose I just don't care one way or another whether something is labelled or not. I know some people don't like labels - but I really have no problem with them. My psychiatrist really just confirmed (months ago now) what my GP and psychologist had already diagnosed - and none of it was a suprise to me at all. I know the catalyst for the increase in severity of the flashbacks and nightmares is the intensity, pain and distress which occurred from that last session with the psychologist. I let so much 'come out' altogether and then could not deal with it - and still can't. It certainly 'opened pandora's box' and that lid aint goin back on!!! Everything I have always know but kept locked away to protect myself (which also meant living in a virtually numb world) I know feel all of it - and I mean ALL of it. It really is a case of being constantly re-traumatised and I have not been 'well enough' to do anything to help stop this. It really is a catch 22 situation - being unwell means I do not have the strength to deal with the 'issues' I need to deal with - but not being able to deal with these issues leaves my body weak and susceptible to becoming more run-down and likely to become unwell again. It sucks, it is painful and it is a dark and scary place to be.