Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7

I think I am okay - I have made an appointment with my tax accountant and have so many medical receipts this is like a paper storm - it reminds me of my last job as an accountant - when I started I had paper everywhere that I needed to approve accounts for payment

And I would leave my desk tidy before I left for the day - but when I got to work in the morning all the mail, dockets, order forms, computer print-outs and other stuff all over the place - and I handled that

So I have sorted this paper out as I have been going but I have to check it and put it into folders - tax laws have changed a lot since I did my last income tax and I really don't think I need this much clutter but I am glad I have been tidying about filing it

This is not fun - I'm seeing the accountant next week - I think if this is the worst thing happening right now I am okay

How are you today - I know things are not easy

Dec💫

Hi @Former-Member emails not coming through again so just read your post.

Sounds like you 'adventure' moving the charity shop was very uplifting for you

I am sorry that your daughter is still struggling so much and that you are suffering watching that happen and I suspoect not being able to do much to help but love her.

I do understand that dark place and how hard it is to cope when you feel like you are drowning everyday. It is so hard to be in that place and I can only imagine what it is like for you on the outside - looking in and knowing what it is like also.

I do think of you often - I have never forgotten the care and compassion you showed me when I first came onto the forum and have continued to give me along the way - and I have never forgotten the laughs we have had with @utopia either

I am ok so far today. I did have some sleep and I am spending the day just resting on the couch with Toby - there is not much else I can do - I don't have the energy or motivation to move far and it is really cold here today so even sitting in the garden is not an option - don't think the cold air would be good for my throat - it is still sore but better than it has been.

i am hoping that tonight will be a little easier than last night to get to sleep. I am going to take my meds earlier and hopefully that will allow me to 'drift off' to sleep well before the usual fears and anxieties start to take hold.

Sending you all my love and best wishes ...always...

Zoe

Oh @Owlunar paperwork arghhhh!!!!! Your desk at work reminds me so much of mine when I am at school - everything is everywhere but it all has a place - I usually have one or two kids that are 'in charge' of 'sorting out' my corner (they are usually the ones that need the most attention and it gives them a greater sense of belonging, care and responsibity - the small things make all the difference). They are really good at putting things into little piles and putting things away from whence they came - they actually make life a little easier for me (whish I had some of those kids at home at the moment!!!!!!)

I am doing ok so far today - I've already stated in previous posts - I am simply resting on the couch with Toby and letting the day happen around me. I don't have the energy or motivation to do anything so I am not putting any pressure on myself to try. The meds took far too long to work last night so I am taking them even earlier tonight - this might help alleviate my anxiety and fears that seem to escalate the later in the night I am still awake.

I think I read somewhere that you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow (hope I remembered that correctly) - is this for you pain management?

Thanks for 'checking in' - it means alot...

Zoe

@Faith-and-Hope ...holding you close today - cradling your heart and providing some light...

Hi @Zoe7

Yes, the situation here is dire and there is no help. I cross stitch to try and take my mind off it and uplift a bit. Below is the cross stitch I am working on at the moment:-

Its called "Heaven's Gate". Below is a close up of the little willy wagtail, my favourite bird, that is sitting on the post:-

I have a really "Willy" visit me on my front balcony everyday. (That didn't sound real good did it lol). He sings to me as I talk to him. Yes I talk to the birds! I got caught out one day - my neighbour popped her head around the fence with a Cheshire Cat smile resounding - "Are you talking to the birds again OTE!". Haha - changed a few shades at that moment 😨:nauseated_face:😚. I am the bird whisper - a polite way of saying the crazy bird lady lol. I love birds and nature.

So I am stitching away creating a beautiful scene that I cannot create in life. But one day it will be realised....for you and for me @Zoe7. There will be something beautiful waiting around the corner formus one day. And we will laugh again. Hold onto those good memories.

Good idea to take the meds earlier and then you will get a better quality of sleep. Always here for you my friend ❤️

Oh @Former-Member no that really didn't sound good (what sits on your balcony each day) but surprisingly it made me smile a little after the initial negative feeling! There are few people who can do that at the moment (make me smile)

I love, love, love the crosstich you are working on - love the scene and love the colours

I do hope that one day we can laugh again - might need to start a whole new line of t-shirt slogans - not up to it yet - but one day

I am starting to get really tired again and the nausea has returned so please excuse me if I don't reply to posts - hope this passes quickly.

Always here with you too my beautiful friend...

Zoe

Hi @Zoe7

Just let the world happen today - I do that sometimes and I find I start itching to be up and around - usually I am resting my back after some kind of jolt - or jerk - the world is full of jerks and lot of them are out on the road - alas - sometimes causing my driver to jump on the brake

Yes - I am seeing my pain-specialist tomorrow - I hope it's a nice day like this - I had forgotten but not for long - it's in my diary for tomorrow in big letters. Pain cannot be cured - it's only managed

Paper work - these tax receipts are gradually getting sorted - I wonder what I would have been doing today if I had not been doing that

When I was working in a multi-national automotives components office I approved accounts for payment all day long and for the three years I was there I never finished - I could only tidy the desk and go home or over to the university - I liked the job and grateful it was handy to where I was studying

It was a lowly job - people didn't see it as interesting - but I did - and I was well organised and over-qualified but who cares?

One of the boss's daughters was given to me for work experience - and I gave her a pile of dockets to sort into alphetical order, then a pile of invoices - etc - orders - numerical order - but that was all I could allow her to do - the rest was needing qualifications - the most exciting thing we did all day was go to another part of the complex to FAX something - and

She was bored and then told me my job was boring and I felt insulted

But the next year I decided I had something else to do the next time I was given someone for work experience - just because a paper work job looks easy doesn't mean it is

I like to catch up with you - it is good to keep in touch

Dec

You are one of those people here @Owlunar that I hold very close and I do love to catch up with you too.

I find it perplexing sometimes that some jobs can be deemed as 'boring' or undervalued when they all make up the tapestry of life - someone has to do them and if you take pleasure in your work then that is a bonus. Every little job that someone does has an impact - whether it be filing paperwork or running a mulit-nationak corporation - one needs the other to operate - a bit like food chains - when one link in the chain is taken out - the whole system collapses.

I hope you appointment goes well tomorrow...

I will be thinking of you...

Zoe

You're right @Zoe7

The world is a tapestry - as are our lives - you are valuable to me as my job was so long ago

They put my lowly paperwork job into a computer and I spent all day sorting out the computer's problems - and I terminated my contract rather than renew it - I got tired of that

At work or in life - in a family - on a holiday - it has many parts all linking it together

Change one piece and we can find ourselves changing everything

Dec