Am Not Coping

Oh @utopia I think I have been a little lost without you

I was just holding on this afternoon until I read your post - now the floodgates have opened...

I really do miss you and @Faith-and-Hope when you guys are not around - you are both so important to me. Some people enter your life and have a huge impact - and it is so nice to have found that this impact can be positive - and not negative as it has seemed to be for most of my life.

I could imagine the mess tha Dog left for you on the bed - argh! That is the wonderful thing about Toby - he doesn't shed Toby and Cat are good. they both had their annual checkups and injections last week - little darlings are healthy and happy. Cat was really naughty yesterday - she got upon the kitchen bench and started to eat the roast chicken - she has never done that before so guess what - roast chicken for Toby and Cat for the next few days but none for Mummy!!!

I can certainly understand both you and your son still needing some time apart - that doesn't make you a 'bad' mother - quite the opposite infact - you know you are not able to adequately care for him at the moment - you have to be your priority to get back to your 'old self'.

I love that they have been lighting a candle for you at meditation class - that must make you feel really wanted and loved

I am ok. Certainly up and down days still but I can see that we are making progress. My sleep has improved a bit - still nowhere near what it needs to be and the anxiety and fears etc. are still there (although they aren't as constant as they were). I have found that if I have a night or 2 without any nightmares then the next night is usually really vivid and really distressing - it is like those missing nights are combined into the next night. I still think about 'ending it' every day but I don't necessarily think about acting on those thoughts so that is a really big improvement.

The paintings mentioned are a few pages back I think - I posted then both together so they shouldn't be hard to find.

I think that is enough for now @utopia. Just so pleased to have my beautiful little cocky friend back

ps - The Tranquility Garden is perfect

Loads of love and huge big bear hugs...

Zoe

@STORMGRL101 I am pleased you made it to the group activity- well done

I am not feeling great either buddy - even good appointments can 'take it out of' me - a bit drained, teary and very tired.

Hopefully we will both feel better later and can catch up again.

(I will have to find some energy from somewhere to see how well the decorators have gone with yours and @Eden1919's corners )

Zoe

I'm here @Zoe7 .... trying to psych myself up to painting, but I feel like sleeping instead, so maybe that's the way to go,

💜

I'm exactly the same @Faith-and-Hope - I want to paint but I am too tired and emotional so maybe I should sleep too. It is already staring to get dark here and my anxiety is increasing and I have a headache again - definitely a continuation and consequence of my appointment this morning. I went to the shopping centre afterwards to try to distract myself but I think it was just a little too much and now I am feeling the effects.

Can you sleep now and paint later? I think that is what I might try for

I want to walk later @Zoe7, and the painting is outside with rainy weather about, but I think I need to sleep now regardless.

i had an appointment with my psychologist earlier today, which might be why I am feeling so spent.

Think I will sleep now, then walk, and then work out whether I am up to painting or not ....

💜💕

Those appointments do take so much out of us - even when they go well!!! @Faith-and-Hope

So I can understand completely why you want to sleep. Maybe it is a painting free day today and tomorrow we can both encourage each other to get into it early

Sleep now, then walk, and take the rest of the day/evening a it comes - I think i will take my own advice on that too

Hugs...

Zoe

You're not sorry really @utopia lol

They were definitely both happy tears and a little built up anxiety at the same time.

Yes Cat is very naughty - I was so looking forward to my roast chicken with heaps of vegies and gravy. It really isn't the same with just vegies and gravy lol

Toby is a Maltese Shih Tzu cross - they need alot of looking after - he gets brushed neary every day and his hair grows quite fast so he has a 'haircut' at least once a month. He usually needs a trim around his eyes a little more often than that though.

My sleep does seem to be heading in a better direction - the tough days and nights are still really hard but I think I am doing a little better at 'riding them out' - not easy still but getting there.

You sound a little more positive too - onwards and upwards my beautiful friend