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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thank you so much @Eve7 I have always been permanent within the department but since I returned to work after a couple of years off I have not had a permanent transfer - so this is not only a relief but also it is at a very good school. I feel very fortunateas it also means I can fulfill my dream of teaching Art for most of the time. I will keep my hand in classroom teaching being on class one day a week also so it is the best of both worlds. I really feel like I am falling on my feet finally but I also know it is going to need a lot of work - both physically and mentally so need to keep up the programs. appointments and have all the support I can get.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You deserve this @Zoe7 and so do those kids.

Keep up the self care.

💕

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Adge Using COVID is just an excuse - if they cannot afford to pay their workers then they should not run the service - grrr!!!! There are plenty of other emplyers out there that do the right thing - and quite franly those dealing with the aged and/or disability services should do so much better - especially in these times where so much is not available to those that need it the most. As you can probably tell - I get on my soap box when I hear about people not giving the most vulnerable in our society the respect and support they deserve - it is not the way anyone should behave and makes me angry. The fact you were used and then fired in such a disrespectful way shows their values also and they are not the kind of people that should be providing this service

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thank you @Eve7 The kids are gorgeous and love Art so that part is the easy bit 👍 Yep trying to keep up the self care - a bit harder to do at this time of year but doing what I can.

How are you going?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I’m ok thanks @Zoe7 Ive had a rough few days but will be returning to work on Monday for 2 days, then 3 days following that so 🤞

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

That is great news about work @Eve7 It is never easy going back so glad that you are doing it slowly. You have come such a long way Hon and should be very proud of yourself. We all have those bad days but knowing you are able to return to work is so positive - you got his

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hear Hear (Applause) @Zoe7

Several of my ex-employers (Disability & Aged Care Service Providers) Deserve to Go Bust.

They show no Ethics or Duty of Care - certainly not towards their Staff/ Employees.

No one is Game to Get on their Soap Box these days - everyone is too scared of losing their Job, so they stay silent.

So a Soap Box demonstration is certainly very appropriate...

Adge

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thank you @Zoe7

It is scary and exciting

💜

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

We are certainly on the same page @Adge 👍 I do agree that a lot of people are too scared to stand up and do/say what is right but there also needs to be tighter regulations with these organisations and greater accountability.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I remember that feeling when I went back to work @Eve7 Unfortunately I was not treated well (after 12 years at the same school) but I can now put all that behind me - their loss 👍 Onwards and upwards ...for us both Tag me into updates Hon - I will be interested to see how you go and support you along the way back ...it is not easy but well worth it

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