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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Ant7

The storm sounds terrifying. I'm glad no one was seriously injured.
I can imagine how the incident has affected you.
I am wondering if work would provide counselling for you, seeing as it happened at work. Do you think that talking about it would help?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hello @Ant7

That is a lot to be dealing with emotionally right now, I am not surprised you are struggling. Whilst it's nice to see you, I am sorry you need to be back. I think @Former-Member has given great advice. I definitely feel you need to offload what is spinning around your head. In the mean time would it help to talk to a helpline?

Thinking if you dear Ant.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sounds really tough @Ant7. I agree that it might be good to chat on a helpline as well ......

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hope today went okay @Zoe7 .... ❤️🦋

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds terrifying. I'm glad everyone's still alive. Thinking of you and those involved, stay safe.

@Ant7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 💜💛

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Bunniekins There have been so many times we have shared and memories to hold onto - know that I appreciate both those and you so much.

@Maggie I know how very hard it has been for you lately and that enormous hole that has been left for you - know though Hon you are loved and admired for both your strength and resilience

@Schitzo I have seen you both finding your feet here and contributing in such a positive way - you really are fantastic to have around and I wish you nothing but light in your future

@Meowmy You are always there, in the background, but full of joy when you come forward - I wish you nothing but happiness also

@Sam3 I hope you are doing well and finding light in your days.

@Former-Member I do hope that things would get better for you Hon and you can find some happiness in your life

@Shaz51 You have so much to deal with and so many responsibilities in your life. I hope your health can improve and in the not so distant future you can find more time for yourself my sister

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7 Hoping things have settled down for you and that you have time to do nice things for yourself.
💖💞

I am getting out more, so that's a bonus. 😊

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 ..... I am so glad to see you here, spreading love around. You have been so missed, and I am looking forward to hearing how your week went. I am still feeling so proud of what you are achieving with the kids and their artwork. I imagine you are their favourite teacher. Art is such a gift, and you are providing that foundation for a while school full of kids now ..... such a blessing ❣️ Is there a chance next year you will just be taking art classes ? Building the program will have to lead to an art room, surely ?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It has been one hell of a week @Faith-and-Hope So much work, so many changes and so much to deal with. I have barely slept all week and have had some really difficult nights but reports are done, so is the extra document that needed to be done (all 23 pages of it) as well as all the usual school things.

No chance of an art room - the library is being converted into 2 more classrooms for next year because we do not have any more rooms available in the school and there are going to be 2 more classes next year. I will still be 4 days Art and one day on class. It will be easier doing all 4 days in a row (and on class on a Friday) but a lot of work. I am both looking forward to it and feeling overwhelmed but will have the holidays to try to work on it. i also need a break though so will take a couple of weeks off over the christmas period - and probably sleep the whole time.

I would like to do the christmas pageant next year too - if it happens - and teaching art all year will allow that to happen if the Principal agrees. It is a major commitment but this school would have many volunteers to help unlike my old school.

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