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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

When we are right in amongst the turmoil it certainly does not feel like we are making progress or can see the other side @Faith-and-Hope but you are making progress forward even with all the effort s2bx is putting in to try to halt that for you. Keep swimming and keep refuting all that he presents - lies are so hard to back up and to continue to keep going ...you have the upper hand here Hon even though it does not always feel like it ...stay strong, stay the path and continue to know you have truth on your side

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Popped in to spread se.love for you both in the hope it helps a little @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope 💞💞

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Coming up for air .... lovely to find sone lovely messages here for me .... 💜🦋💖🌷

@Zoe7 @Anastasia

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7

Wishing you both a good day today.

Lots of love and hugs

💞💞

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Good afternoon @Snowie ...., 👋❄️💕

I have finished the documentation I needed to deal with earlier than I anticipated, and it is a relief that that draft is behind me.

I now have time to deal with other things pending for today.

i hope you are well, and that @Zoe7is continuing to make headway. with her workload 💜🦋

Hello yo anyone else around 👋💕☕️

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hello dear @Zoe7 hope you are doing ok xxx

Hello also @Faith-and-Hope and @Snowie xxx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

Good morning to you both

Hoping your days go ok

💜💙

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thinking Of you gorgeous girl, hope you're ok?

@Zoe7 🐕🐈💜

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope @Snowie @Anastasia It has been a very long week and it isn't over yet. I am working my way through reports but it will be another couple of days until they are done. I have gotten more done tonight than over the previous 3 days but now exhausted again so needed to stop.

There is another funeral tomorrow I cannot go to - cannot afford anymore time of work. It is going to be a private ceremony for family and close friends but there is to be a procession along the main street of my hometown beforehand for everyone that knew him to pay their respects ...and that will be one massive turnout.

Hoping to be asleep very soon to end a full onday ...my little energiser bunny was in fine form and the kids were all super excited about their science day. It was hard work getting it all sorted for them but thoroughly enjoyable watching them all working with each other to undertake their experiments. The highlight of the day was watching one group try to make a skateboard move with a bottle of coke taped to it and bi-carb dropped into the coke. It was a massive fail but the kids did not care ...smiles all around. We had ingredients covering all the desks, chairs and hard floor (thank goodness not much on the carpet) - they cleaned up after themselves pretty well but washing everything and putting things away I did for them.

On a positive note - my Principal received an email from a parent yesterday that she passed on to me. The parent was passing on her thanks for the art program and how much her children were loving the new classes. It made my day and also made me feel like I was not only doing okay but making such a positive difference for those kids ...the power of art 👍

On another positive - Cat had her follow up blood tests yesterday and they were 'perfect' - so we continue with the meds and she goes back in 4 weeks. For the first time last night she did not need anaesthetic - the little sweetheart let the vet take her blood with no fuss - and she has put on a little weight again so all looking good so far. 😺

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

❤️❤️❤️ ...... good news all round @Zoe7 .... except the funeral, but the whole town will be turning out, with your thoughts right there in the middle of it all, so you will be there in spirit .....

Go you ❣️

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