Am Not Coping

Hi @Boonana @Zoe7

No need to worry about a mistake - we all do that - the guidelines are difficult to follow sometimes and they change

I don't remember you from the past but I am glad you have returned during this time of social crisis - and need help and support with whatever issues you have on your plate right now

Dec

Good morning to @MDT @Zoe7 @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Boonana @Former-Member @outlander @Sans911 @Snowie and everyone have been up for hours. Son2 has been awake too looking forward to this weekend when he goes to his fathers so that I can have some decet sleep. Hope everyone is okish and taking good care of themselves in this stressful period of our lives. Love peaxxx

Good luck with getting that decent sleep @Bunniekins It will be wonderful to have the weekend to yourself Hon

Hi @Bunniekins @Zoe7

May I wish you both the best this Anzac Day - it is a special day for Australians -

And for the Pea - I hope you can get that sleep you need so badly - we really don't know why we need to sleep but we do - and not having enough is really hard on us and it does make life more difficult

All the best esp today

Dec

25th April 2020

@Owlunar This is a special day in our nations history and whilst we cannot attend a service this year remembering and commenorating is just as important as ever.

@Owlunar @Zoe7

So true @Zoe7

I can never forget Anzac Day - my maternal grandfather was an Anzac and I always remember - not just on Anzac Day and Armistice Day -

Actually I would not be here had it not been for The Great War (true for many people) - my mother's father returned to Australia and my mother was born the next year - and my father's father was gassed in France and was in hospital in England where he met a nurse who interested him obviously - he returned to fight in France and when the war was over he went back to the area where my grandmother had been a nurse and married her and my father was born the same year as my mother

I have my grandfather's medals - one being the Mons Star with bar - I never knew my mother's father but my father's father was in my life until he died and he told his stories over and over and my brother and I would love to listen - I am sure we only had the "sanitised" but we cared and I remember that tough little Englishman with love

This Anzac Day is different - and therefore special - and how different things would have been had the Alllies not won the two wars -

Today I have the TV on and I am listening to other old soldiers' storries - and commemorating today in the different way we all must

I am just about to open a thread for us to remember any special Anzac Day we have had - for our stories - this is one of mine because of my family - another is one from my life

Dec

This year we remember more

Not tagging anyone - just need to write...

Over the past week or so I have been constantly triggered by one particular song that is on an add for an upcoming show on tv. Every time I hear this song - anywhere - it is a reminder that my life nearly ended at the hands of my ex. This song was the last thing I heard before that horrible morning. My ex sung me to sleep with this song and I will never forget how life can go from such peace to such fear and pain in so few hours.

I am not coping very well with hearing this all the time - I feel the pain, not being able to breath and the nausea is all consuming. I am making a constant choice to not have that station on and in that way hopefully avoiding this massive trigger but tv itself is becoming a trigger by association. I usually always have the tv on - sometimes with the sound turned down but the silence at present is not comfortable either - it is allowing my mind to wander and that is also not a good place to be. I am feeling quite stuck with all this but I do also think my level of fatigue is contributing to it all. I am not sleeping much at night because the nightmares have returned and the fear of sleeping has again reared its head.

I do know I will get through this eventually but SI is also now an issue again - not in a present and immediate way but more in a 'let's finally stop all this' kind of way and a 'what will happen if I sleep and wake in fear and panic again' way. That is my biggest concern - what I am likely to do if those nightmares are too real and that pain is too great. I have already taken steps to make my environment safe just in case - so I suppose I am doing okay in having that foresight to avoid potential harm in the heat of the moment when everything potentially becomes too much. Now is the next step - trying to get some sleep. I can do that okay during the day but that does not help me with getting things done, getting to work and functioning at all productively when I need to. In an ideal world I would have some time off to get back on track again but I cannot do that at present so I am stuck. I feel like I am drowning again and anytime I can lift my head up to grasp some air I go under again. I certainly did not see this coming but know I am the only one that can pull myself back up also - that part is just hard

I'm so sorry to hear your story @Zoe7

And it pains me to know that you are hurting right now.

unfortunately life is full of triggers and it's really hard to avoid them even when we do our best. I know that silence can be unbearable as I have to have something on at all times. Do you use Spotify or can you use YouTube and maybe put on some music that helps you relax music you like.
It is so great you have taken the steps needed to try and keep you safe.
I am here if you need someone to sit with you.
You are strong @Zoe7 please try and be kind to yourself. Try and stay in the present as best you can with whatever distractions help you.
I'm sorry I don't have more to offer you at this time. I wish I know what to say. Just know you are not alone and I am here with you.