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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Angels333. I saw this post and it really resonated with me. My psych and I worked through (and still do) the whole acceptance thing. I put up a huge fight against it and struggled big time with the idea of acceptance when it comes to trauma. I couldn't get my head around putting "acceptance" anywhere near my trauma experiences. It made my skin crawl to think of it. Like you, justice is not something I will see either and I think that makes it even harder to feel acceptance (for me anyway). A shift I felt a bit was when I was able to make a distinction between "acceptance" and "approval". I know I can't change what happened but I also now know it is OK for me to feel angry about it, to wish it never happened, and to fight for change. That's as close to acceptance as I can get.

I am sorry to hear DBT made it worse for you today. I too can feel very vulnerable and shaken up when my experiences and memories come up and when I'm forced to confront them in some way. I also feel huge pressure to keep my mental health issues from impacting my kids and can only imagine the pressure you'd feel knowing your daughter has self-harmed. That's super tough.

Hearing you too.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @CheerBear and @Faith-and-Hope for your thoughtful responses. Yep it's really tough being a mum of young impressionable adults with a mental illness. Thanks for your insight cheerbear regarding acceptance vs approval. I'm so stressed about it I was going to text the lifeline chat earlier. But I thought there are more vulnerable people needing the chat space as I'm not in immediate danger, it's just constant thoughts like a loop in my brain. I know I should be applying my DBT skills but feel so out of it tonight.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hugs for you @Angels333. It's really tough being a parent and living with MH stuff sometimes. Tonight sounds like one of those particularly hard ones for you. Trying not to SH and struggling as you are sounds like a pretty good reason to contact Lifeline if you feel it would help. I get that it is hard to feel like you're taking time away from others who need it too though.

I think it's a skill to be able to reach out when you're having a bad one, just as you've done here. Are there any DBT skills you've learnt that you think might be doable this evening or that stand out as ones that have helped at times like this in the past? I just spent some time colouring in which is something I haven't done for ages. It didn't fix anything but it felt like a nice distraction for a moment. Later a fluffy blanket and purring cat are on my list.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Take care of yourself @Angels333

I am thinking of you along with all of us here. 🙂

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Okay @CheerBear I'm chilling watching tv. And drinking lots of hot tea. I have to go out to a meeting for a youth group that I'm involved in. Really don't feel like going out. You guys, @MDT @Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear have really helped this evening.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Good to know @Angels333 . Wishing you the energy you need to get up and go again, and a good night once you’re there.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @eth but when I think of details I just get more anxious. I think maybe it’s all beyond me & I must admit defeat. What else have you found helpful? I hope you’ve had a good day. I’m pleased to say I got through work despite no sleep and cooked a new recipe for dinner that everyone ate😊 I would like to be somebody else right now & I’m sure there are others who feel the same way at times

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Been a while since I’ve been on the forums!!!

And scrolling through the post seeing familiar faces!!! Brings such hope

I don’t want to fee this way. Drowning but I do. And I’ve done all I can to stop it

help

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @mudsum

Glad you feel that you are able to connect back here.

You are not alone

Am around if you need a chat

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I just want to end it all!!! So sick of the pain of past trauma haunting me.... we ride the waves up and down and then we never get anywhere
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