Am Not Coping

I get what you mean re the curl up in a ball @Zoe7 but tiredness (or worldweariness) may be a factor. Please absorb the respect & affection that others have for you in this forum & I’m sure in the real world too. No matter how you feel about yourself or your efforts it’s important to allow for the fact that you may be wrong (ie when feeling better it’s easier to acknowledge our achievements & recognise our perspective may have been tarnished by illness etc). I am better at accepting that my brain is unusual & consistently overthinks & subsequently not much gets done but just accepting that is much better than getting hooked and taken for a ride by it for an extended period of time. I now say to myself “something is better than nothing” or “it’s enough” or “it is what it is” even though I’d like things to be different. Perhaps things can be different just by being more accepting & self compassionate. Wishing you and @Faith-and-Hope @eth @Former-Member @outlander much peace

Unfortunately @Sam3 there is not much self-compassion, confidence or positive feelings of self-worth for me at present. It is incredibly hard for me to be here or want to be anywhere. I know tomorrow is another day but the closer it gets to me going back to work this time the harder I am finding it. The sense that I will not cope or be a failure at yet something else is very much prominent. I am struggling to find the positives in anything. Just need to get to tomorrow and hope for it to be different. Not sleeping well is not helping and my thoughts have been with others this weekend too. Maybe that has all come to a head for me tonight - that feeling that you cannot change things for others but wish with everything that you could. That old saying that it was the straw that broke the camel's back fits with me tonight - I have been holding on for weeks and tonight I feel broken again.

@Zoe7 I have no words that could possibly help. Just sending some thoughts, sometimes the smallest things can mean the most. 💕💕

A quick wave to @Sam3 ... so nice to see you after a long absence.

@Zoe7 I am so sorry that this weekend has been so difficult for you, and that likely some of my problems have impacted on you. Yes its very true that there are things we are unable to change no matter how much we would like to. I hope my personal situation is not one of those straws which break the camels back.

Although you may not be able to changes things, you most definitely DO make a difference to others. Certainly to me over several years now. But also these past few days as I wrestle with my thoughts and grief over my Mums impending death. It has been so nice to read posts and see that you (and a number of others) have regularly posted to me. Sitting with me, reassuring me, letting me know that I'm not alone even though I have felt that way many times these last couple of days. So I really just wanted to reassure you that you do make a difference, a very big difference ... and I thank you sincerely for that.

Incidentally .... my beloved Mum passed away this morning at 4.20am. They said she would not see out Friday, but she's always been a tough woman, and defied them to the end. Although I could not be there in the end, I phoned and spoke to her every day on my brothers mobile on speaker. I doubt she knew, because she was unresponsive since Friday lunchtime, but I hold some hope that she may have known I was there with her.

Thank you @Zoe7 and others too, for helping me through a really tough few days.

Sherry 💔😢🌸

💐💕💐💕💐💕💐💜 @Former-Member .....

Thank you for updating us.

Hugs and hugs Hon ..... stay close cos your feelings will be washy for some tone, and we are still gonna be sitting here with you .....

(What @Former-Member said goes from me too @Zoe7 .... posted an update re my hair saga on JCI and hoping that wasn’t weighing too heavily on you either .... in fact, we might have the same hair colour now, without even knowing it .... 😏)

Hi @Sam3 👋💕

Hey @Zoe7 @I’m very very sorry to hear you’re feeling so crappy. Some factors seem to be less sleep & concern for others but are you aware of any other triggers eg. Changes in medication, circumstances etc...is anything reversible? It’s doubly hard when we experience a setback after being ok for a while, not to mention a bit scary. Is it possible you’ve burnt yourself out? Is work a big part of the issue? Remind yourself of how incredibly far you’ve come in recent years. This time will pass but we all wish you/we didn’t have them. You’re so practical & creative- is it time to get back to painting peacocks?! On a bizarre note a 19 yo former school friend of my eldest has apparently just married the heiress of a Chinese peacock farmer (according to his friends she’s really weird so everyone is a bit stunned!)

@Maggie @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope 💛🧡💚💙💜

@Former-Member I am so incredible sorry Hon. We knew it was coming but that does in no way take away the pain. I am glad you went to visit your parents when you did and had that time then with your Mum. Whilst that in no way helps right now it was a valuable time for you to be with her. Hold onto all those wonderful memories you have of her at this time, Very much feeling for you and wishing that we could do more than type of few words to you. Sitting with you and holding you close

@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member You have both been rocks for me for so long. So whilst your struggles lately have been heart wrenching I have been here for you both because I wanted to be. In no way should either of you feel that what I am going through is in any way because of you or your struggles. My heart goes out to you both and I very much feel for you both. I have so much love for you both and despite my feelings and difficulties at present that will continue. There are more important things happening for you both that you have my unwavering support for ...and that is why I am here - to support you both as much as I can.

So sorry to hear about your loss @Former-Member My heart goes out to you