Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2017, 5:39 pm AEDT

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

36,371 - 36,380 of 38,645

1...3,637 3,638 3,639...3,865

In response to: Am Not Coping

BunniekinsSenior Contributor06 June 2019, 5:22 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 Thank you for including your lil pea I am always looking out for your posts and wondering how you are going and hoping that everything is more than okay at your end. Hoping you stay pain free until you get those wretched teeth out. Good luck with the lil munchkins over the coming weeks I hope they are well behaved for you. Love pea xxxx

In response to: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember06 June 2019, 5:28 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7

😇

💪👏

💕💕💜

Sherry

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor06 June 2019, 5:43 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Bunniekins @Sans911 @Shaz51 @outlander @MDT and anyone else here ..... 👋💕

Thanks for asking @Zoe7. I didn’t get everything done last night, in fact I got into a right pickle with my final submission component .... 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:😜 ..... thankfully I have a wonderful teacher who helped to sort me out in a make-up class she squashed me into today ...... and then the server we were supposed to upload to was having an off day, so nothing would upload ...... sigh ..... because I have to leave ahead of submissions they are allowing me another pathway, and to upload some of my work via email while I am in the west .....

They are so cool at this school ❣️

I feel for you @Shaz51 with the constant medical testing .... I know it’s tiring for you, but good that the doctors are monitoring you closely ..... take care Hon 💐💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

ethSenior Contributor06 June 2019, 6:00 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

s to you @Zoe7 and you @Shaz51 and everyone else here.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Shaz51Senior Contributor06 June 2019, 6:01 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

yes the constant medical testinggets a bit tiring @Faith-and-Hope , but it is good as things gt worse

hugs @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

AppleblossomSenior Contributor06 June 2019, 6:01 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @Faith-and-Hope

Glad your art school is treating you well. They can see your talent.

@Zoe7 Do what you have to do. You will be busy, but getting on top of finances is important.

Its only taken me nearly 60 years ... ha ha ...

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

BunniekinsSenior Contributor06 June 2019, 6:41 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope Hi FAith-and-Hope the fun and games of uni life as a student .... I really miss that so much :)xxx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor06 June 2019, 7:07 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

So pleased you can submit what you need via email @Faith-and-Hope Having them be so supportive and accommodating what you need is wonderful.

I went to the school thing for a while. There were so many people there - way more than anyone expected. There was warm soup which ran out within half an hour and a constant line for the sausages. They also had marshmallows for the kids to toast over the fires they had going. It was really lovely to have so many of the parents there with their kids. The kids weren't allowed to go without parents. I stayed for just over an hour but that was enough. Happy to be home with my babies now and can settle in for the evening and have some cuddles.

@Shaz51 Toby and Cat are good. They both need to have their annual check ups and the money I will get from the extra days work will go towards that.

@Bunniekins I often check in with you but have only been supporting and not posting - not able to stray far from a couple of threads lately. Do think about you often though little pea

@Appleblossom Yes getting on top of finances is yet another thing that has been stressing me. I have to pa for pdoc now that DBT has finished so very much need the extra coming in to pay for those appointments. I know you know what it is like to not feel okay on the forum so very much sticking to a couple of threads for now.

@eth @Former-Member much love to you both

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

BunniekinsSenior Contributor06 June 2019, 7:10 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 xxx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

frogSenior Contributor06 June 2019, 7:57 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

So good to hear from you @Zoe7 I am really impressed that although things are hard, you still manage to see some positives. It's quite inspiring to me - being happy at work is a huge one (I'm really jealous on that front!)... the long weekend ...funds for your fur babies...

Take care friend

36,371 - 36,380 of 38,645

1...3,637 3,638 3,639...3,865