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Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Been a hard few weeks @eth Very much hoping this new med gets me back to where I was.

In response to: Am Not Coping

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

im sorry you have to wait 2 more weeks to get your teeth out @Zoe7 but im glad the meds have been helping you and that your able to eat and sleep too. thats always a big help.

Its ok if you dont attend the funeral so try not to pressure yourself into going. sometimes its to much in a fragile state and also better to remember them through your memories.

Fingers crossed your new meds continue to help you and with no/minimal side effects too.

🦋💚💙❤🦋

In response to: Am Not Coping

oceangirlSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7

Good to hear the pain has eased for you and hopefully it stays manageable for you. Pleased to hear the fur babies are good too. You do what you think is best in relation to the funeral. Hopefully you get to talk to the AP tomorrow. I've just got in from going out to dinner. I had a good time out but happy to be home with Trouble and Bullfrog..

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

frogSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @Zoe7 so glad to hear the pain is more under control. The wait is a drag, but at least there is an end in sight.

Sounds like you might have some catching up to do sleep wise and I hope you can rest up.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope

@Zoe7

I have missed our little stories of Smoky the cat on fridays

I will leave this here for you for later my sister

Yesterday we went to clean , smoky was waiting at the door to say hello to us , smoky ran outside ( the owners keep him inside when they are out ) , so we make sure he is inside before we go

well next minute he was back in the lounge room with a present -- yes a mouse

we threw the mouse away and smoky thought he was wonderful and that he gave me a wonderful present because he followed me everywhere purrring soo loudly

he is sooo cute

after he inspected my cleaning , he curled up on the bed still purring , I gave him a cuddle before we left xxx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

How are you this evening/today @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

ethSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Thinking of you and sending love @Zoe7 xx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @eth @MDT @Shaz51 @frog @Teej @CheerBear @Appleblossom @utopia @Sans911 @Snowie @outlander @Bunniekins @TAB @Adge @Former-Member @Maggie and all following along

I haven't updated anyone on this thread for a while - many reasons for that - some of which I can't talk about here.

I have agreed to take the 4/5 class on my Wednesdays off for the next 4 weeks so I will be walking full time for the next 4 weeks. I am really not sure how I am going to cope with that but I really need the money so it was a decision I made purely on that basis. There will be little preparation or planning that needs to be done as I am following the normal teacher's plan for the day to keep it consistent with what she normally does. She will also still be on site so any questions I need to ask I can - that makes it easier as well.

Tomorrow I am taking the preps again but little planning needed for that too as they have things to finish and I know the kids pretty well. Of course there will be some art/craft I will do with them as I know they love that. It should fill in a big chunk of the day too so that is an added bonus.

I am feeling a little better today - the ABs and pain killers are working again. One more week and my teeth will be out and I can look forward to the pain going away. I had to come home in my spare time today to get pain killers - thank goodness they worked and helped me get through the remainder of the day.

Still very much struggling with being here - anywhere really - and taking it one day at a time. Work is a nice place to be though and the staff all remain so supportive so it is helping me get through the days.

Thank you also everyone here who have supported me through the last few weeks - I really have not been in a good place and still feel so low but I am getting through the days and that is important. Being with the kids and feeling I am making a difference is something that I am grateful for. The other teachers have been amazing throughout this also and I can't thank them enough. I hope that the new meds kick in soon though as the nights are incredibly tough still. Very much looking forward to the long weekend so I can catch up on sleep.

As things presently stand I will be sticking to just one or two threads - please do not think that I am ignoring anyone if I do not respond but it is incredibly hard for me being here still and I need time for that to hopefully pass.

Sending you all caring thoughts in the meantime

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

I am continually impressed by the changes you are making @Zoe7 I am inspired to implement the same in my own life and it's always encouraging to read what you say.

You are in the right industry for you, so I think the adjustment to full time hours will be something you can manage for sure. You've eased into it too so that's also pretty good.

Take care my friend 🙂

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

taking it one day at a time is the way to go @Zoe7

and once you have your teeth fixed , it will make a difference too

sending you hugs

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Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

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