Am Not Coping

Missing you too @Zoe7

Hi @Zoe7

How lovely it is to see you fluttering by a number of threads this afternoon. Including my own. Lovely post from you, so thank you so much. I wont go into how much I love and admire you now, as I think I have told you before. Just a gentle reminder is appropriate however. And I thank you for always having been around for me in your usual understanding and supportive manner throughout my term of membership here. Three years in Sept I believe.

When I read your post to me, then saw some others, I became increasingly concerned it may have been a farewell post? Then I read @Faith-and-Hope response on her thread. She knows you better than anyone, and it appears she too is wondering about the same possibility ... that you may be planning to leave the forums.

I fully respect your decision, if thats what you decide is best for you. But I hope you will discuss things with your psych tomorrow, before making any decisions. This would be a big decision for you .. that of leaving the forums. We should never make big decisions when we are in a bad place.

Worried about you my dear friend.

Sherry 🐶

@Zoe7 Zoe7 no no no 😞

@Zoe7 Hey Zoe7 do you remember our conversation on Friday night about how you were going to make up some new threads for lil pea 😄 as soon as you get that thing-a-m-jing for your computer. I am looking forward to that. No one dresses the pea like you do :D. You me and Adge had such a good time .I am looking forward to more Fridays like that :).

@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Bunniekins @MDT @Appleblossom @Sans911 @Snowie @outlander @Teej @CheerBear and everyone else...

Today has been a real challenge. It was my final DBT and I am actually grateful that it has finished. I could not continue doing that and working as well - I just do not have the headspace or energy for both.

I saw my pdoc afterwards and she was concerned with how I have been feeling. She was hopeful that I would pick up after the last time she saw me but I seemed to be worse today. She has changed one of my meds as depression is setting in quickly and she wants to try to head it off before it takes hold. I was honest with her and told her I didn't want to get through the last couple of nights but we agreed that the pain was also affecting my thoughts in that area. I will start the new meds from tonight and hope for no side effects.

I can't have a day off work as I have no sick leave and if I don't work I don't get paid. ...and I am really struggling to pay what I need to right now. I did change one of my payments to monthly today so that will take a little pressure off but I still can't afford to take Toby and Cat to the vet - that will just have to wait until next month.

I also had my x-ray and that is being sent to the dentist so I need to call them tomorrow to see where to go from here. The pain is significantly lower today but still there. The AB seem to be working and the pain meds are really helping now - unfortunately they only last a couple of hours and then I feel it again so being very careful on how many I have and when.

I then had some really sad news that I honestly do not know what to do with just now - I think I am in shock. A very dear and respected ex-coworker passed away last night. She was always such a wonderful support to me when I worked with her but retired some years back. My mum was very close friends with her still and told me she always asked after me and wanted to know how I was going. I had the utmost respect for that lady - she was so warm and giving and taught me a lot when I worked with her. Some losses really hit hard and I suspect when this one sinks in that will be the case - pretty numb to feelings right now!

Maybe being numb tonight is a safe place for me to be. I cannot guarantee I can be here or respond to much tonight but I will do what I need to do to stay safe. Sleep is my priority as it has now been 3 days without much sleep and I cannot function if that goes on again tonight. The new med will be another factor. I havent had this one before and some of the possible side effects are similar to others that I have had so very worried about how I will react and in what state I will be in tomorrow. I would wait until the weekend but my pdoc and I are both in agreement that this downward slide has already gone too far and the sooner we get on top of it the better - and I honestly do not know how much longer I can feel like this - I know my signs and they are all there - one of the biggest is pulling away from the forum so all your continued messages and support mean so much.

@Zoe7

So sorry for your loss. But I am glad she was part of your life and was a wonderful support to you. You have such beautiful nature zoe- and I can see why she was drawn to you so much.

Is it combination of things that have triggered your depression- change in season, physical health, stress etc? Hopeful the change in med will help with your energy levels and put you back on a more even keel. Just hoping you don't have too much side effects from the new med. I'm a bit tired too this afternoon, I've had Kira to the vet and she needed emergency surgery but she is doing well and resting as I type this.

I will check back later to see how you're going if I don't hear from you hopefully sometime soon. But no pressure to check in sweetheart. Thinking of you and sending you lots of love and hugs...

Dear @Zoe7

Just a really quick acknowledgement of your post. Thanks heaps for the update.

Im preparing for dinner now, and wanted to reply before you log off for the night.

So sorry to hear of the passing of your former colleague.

Really hope you can get a good sleep tonight. I will talk again when I can.

Hi @oceangirl ... lovely pic.

Sherry 💕

@Zoe7 Zoe7 so good to hear from you. Am sorry that you are going through so much. Hoping the new meds help. The pea is here for you whenever you want a hug and a laugh don't forget that. We all are here for you Zoe7 xxxx

Hi @Zoe7 ......🦋💚💕

I am glad that some things are starting to turn around there, like AB’s and pain meds working .... 👍

So sorry to hear about your loss. Do you have a safe jar you can light a candle in for her ? Sometimes it’s helpful to transfer our feelings to objects a bit ..... and lighting a candle is a way to mark something through an action rather than a feeling. I hope that makes sense ......

Sending big hugs across the Tasman Sea to you tonight ..... remember that resting helps to equate to sleep recovery at about a 2:1 ratio ...... so resting well for two hours gives a similar reukt to sleeping for one hour ..... you can piece it together a bit across the night if you combine rest with sleep, when and as you can ......

P.S. I finished my sculpture today. It’s all coming together in terms of finalising my uni work for the semester .... yay.