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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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Re: Am Not Coping

That warms my heart @Faith-and-Hope I do hate seeing you so sad and struggling with what you are having to deal with - I feel so much for you and know it isn't at all easy. So wonderful you had your friend last night to talk to

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Re: Am Not Coping

She is a wonderful friend @Zoe7 . I am so lucky to have her here, and I miss her over there ..... but just knowing her gives me strength.

It’s the same with you, and other special people in my life.

I have said it before and I will say it again, I don’t know what I would have done without the forums these last three years.

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Re: Am Not Coping

I have said this before too @Faith-and-Hope but you are so important to so many here - of course me included - you always have a kind word to say and a rational way of looking at things - even when you are going through so much yourself. We are so lucky to have you here ...and I am blessed to have you in my life - love ya Hon

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💚 @Zoe7

💜 @Sans911

In response to: Am Not Coping

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@Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

💕💕💕

In response to: Am Not Coping

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🎉 🎉 🎉 @Zoe7

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Re: Am Not Coping

hi @Zoe7 thanks so much for your encouragement, I had a ball at my nephew's, it was a very happy night so I'm glad I went. I think he liked his gift, it's something to keep for the future. Making meringues sounds awesome!! what a cool life skill to learn. It's wonderful you're enjoying work, I don't know where you get the energy but it's great. hope today is a good one for you.

hello @Faith-and-Hope, I went without a diagnosis for my mental health for a very long time, until my 40's. It was very difficult not knowing what was wrong and trying unsuccessful treaments. I still don't have a diagnosis, I just have a good pdoc who's got me on helpful meds. I don't mean to pry but is the illness with you or one of your baby dragons? I understand if you'd prefer not to say or talk about it though. I hope your day has been a peacful one today and time spent with family has been good despite the difficult ciircumstances.

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my little buddy looking very serious as he's doing his daily garden inspections, checking out his territory & where the neighbouring cats have been!

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@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @BryanaCamp @MDT @outlander @TAB @Teej @Sans911 @Snowie @CheerBear @Adge @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @utopia @Owlunar and all following along...

I had a quick conversation with the Assistant Principal and Acting Principal after work today. That AP wanted to let me know she had spoken to the Principal and he is going to ring the department and see what they can do to keep me at the school. That is really positive - it does not mean that I will definitely be able to stay but having the 'powers that be' in my ccorner and making those enquiries personally will hopefully help. I don't want to pre-empt anything though as I know how the department works but if there is a slim chance I can stay - or I find out one way or the other soon - then I can prepare myself for whatever the result is. Everyone cross everything you can that I can stay - I do really enjoy being at this school and am finding my passion for the job again.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

That all sounds very positive @Zoe7 . It would be so good to hear something soon. Meanwhile I have everything crossed for you, that you will be staying at this school past the end of this term.

Sherry 💕😊🌺

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