Am Not Coping

What is it that stresses you the most @Boonana ? It is often good to be able to name these things to work through ways to deal with them.

The more we stress about the future the less we can live for the moment @Boonana These are the things that you really need support to work through. Have you had any more thought about seeing a GP for a referral to a counsellor or even seeing the counsellor at school?

When do you chat with your online counsellor again @Boonana I hope it is soon for you. Tonight is hard but we are still here for you Hon. I know it feels so much harder without Eddie to snuggle with - our fur babies give us so much love. Goodnight @Boonana

Good night @Boonana

@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Sans911 @Snowie @Teej @CheerBear @Former-Member @Maggie @eth @MDT @BlueBay @TAB @outlander @Appleblossom @Bunniekins @Adge and everyone following along who I have forgotten...

I had a very bad start to the day - didn't sleep well last night with nightmares and lots of waking and not being able to get back to sleep. As a result I felt like a Zombie in DBT - could barely keep my eyes open and chose not to participate in one activity solely because I could not talk. I found today really difficult but I stayed and hopefully took a little in anyway. The facilitator was okay with me not participating in the activity - I was clearly not in a good way so she didn't push me at all. It is not like me to not participate but today I just did not have the physical or mental ability to do that.

I then saw my pdoc and we discussed quite a few things. It took a bit for me to be able to get the words out today but she was really good at prompting me and working with what I could say. I haven't see her for a month and a lot has happened - some I haven't written here either and chose to keep it to myself. Part of that was because when I did ask for support there were other things that happened around the same time and that lead me to withdrawing to a certain extent. That is sometimg we talked about today as well as how I deal with loss - that has been a big one for me the past couple of weeks.

We went into detail about the panel I was on and worked through whether that had also affected me - the conclusion being that although I felt very nervous in the meeting I did also put my point of view across and felt okay doing that - so it was a good experience even if a little hard. Having that feeling that I was asked to do that with all the people that could have been chosen was infact a testament to my contribution in the Network and I should believe in myself more.

This lead to a discussion about work and how I was finding it. I seem to go into automatic pilot when I am there - even when I am not feeling very good - that is a good thing because it also allows me time to be away from my thoughts and do what I have to do to get through each day. I am totally exhausted when I get home but my terrible sleep over the past couple of months have also contributed to that. I am also more worried than I want to admit about what hapens at the end of this term - that is something I cannot change so I need to find ways to deal with each day on its own and not worry too much about what will happen next term. There is an opportunity to take a class one day a week for the remainder of the year and whilst I had thought about putting my hand up to do that I suppose I am also worried that I would not be able to deal with it. I am going to talk to the assistant principal tomorrow about that - the position might have already been filled though so fingers crossed it hasn;t and it is possible for me to take them. It is the 4/5 class that I spend most on Mondays with so I am very familiar with the kids. Will see how that conversation goes and let you all know when it happens.

As expected we have increased one of my night meds again and I need to up my self-care to try to get through this latest period of feeling so flat and tired. I can slowly feel the depression coming back but we are both hoping once I get back into work and over a few things happening in the last couple of weeks then I will be okay again - still keeping a very close eye over the next couple of weeks until I see her again.

A lot going on in my head and a lot I still need to deal with ...but working through it bit by bit and in the meantime plenty of resting and just doing what I need to do - no expectations just baby steps and leaving the things that are not necessary to think about in the back of my mind for now.

Dear @Zoe7

The very important work that you do relies on constant access to an internal reservoir of understanding, patience and quick social decision making.

Levels of medication can effect that.

Hugs and Hugs.

Just to give you an opposite scenario. My ex went to work and hooked up to a computer and only related to people for one hour per week in a meeting. He did not need to access nuanced feelings and never has been able to learn that, apart from expressing his own point of view.

The area you work in is less well paid though the level of skill is IMO at least equal.

It is an area that needs more recognition.

Keep being you too.

Thanks @Appleblossom I have been holding back from putting myself forward to do this whole day on the one class mainly because of my own self doubts. I really should not have them with how welcoming and supportive everyone has been but that underlying low self-esteem has a major impact. I have love the role I currently have but as we discussed today - my aim is to get back to actual classroom teaching and this one day may be a start to doing that. It may also be too late and the position may have been filled but all I can do tomorrow is find out and go from there.

The rest of the 'stuff' I am dealing with will sort itself out - just takes time.

Hi @Zoe7

ive got to take pop to the drs but i read your post and wanted to send some hugs for your tough day and leave you this