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Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2017, 5:39 pm AEDT

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember29 Apr 2019, 4:47 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Jezabell89 . I am feeling a little bit excited for you too ... 👍🧡

@Zoe7 The city hospital rang me back this morning after I'd left a message there last Friday. They said they cannot be sure, because emergencies crop up. But at this stage it looks like hubby will be admitted Wednesday next week. They will ring and confirm either the night before or that morning. So little time to prepare or book accommodation for me. The lady who rang said she thought it would require at least 2-3 nights there. So I thought I would hunt around and see what accomm is available and see if they will take tentative bookings. I guess most places refund if given 24 hours notice of cancellation. Though I may not have that much notice, and the dates could change too. Now, I'm starting to doubt myself.

Sounds like you had a pretty good first day back at work today. I'm glad. Was it a pupil free day?

Sherry

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor29 Apr 2019, 4:54 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Let the accommodation know that you will be staying there for your husband, who is seriously ill, and you will give them as much notice as is available to you @Former-Member . Most “rules” are general to an even playing field, and that is not what you’re on ..... you are juggling way more than most people ever will, so the “rules” need to be revisited in your case, but they can only do that if they know that your circumstances are exceptional Hon. Communicate your needs and ask for them to be accommodated as best as anybody can, even as you will uphold your end to the best of your exceptional-circumstances-ability.

Hi @Zoe7 💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor29 Apr 2019, 4:55 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi too @Jezabell89 👋

So pleased for your good news .....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor29 Apr 2019, 4:57 pm AEST

Re: Am Not Coping

That is annoying @Former-Member and certainly not ideal for you to have to be able to book somewhere as well. I suppose all you can do is do what you suggested - ring around and find somewhere that you can make a tentaive booking for those days. I hope they ring you with enough notice to allow you to cancel if you need to. It is all so very hard for you being so far away from the hospital and having to make so many arrangements for this to happen. I do hope that this admission happens for hubby next Wednesday and you can both then get some answers quickly.

No a pupil free day today Hon - but it was nice to see the kids again. I spent a lot of time this morning with one student who did not want to go into class. She had a new teacher start with her today after the previous teacher retired at the end of last term. This teacher had been on maternity leave so whilst she is not new to the school this student did not know her. Eventually the other teacher that shares the class got her to help her for the rest of the morning so I worked with the rest of the class for a little while. The 4/5s were a bit ratty all day but they settled down in the afternoon when I took some for a little while doing handwriting and then the other group joined us for art ...most kids love art