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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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@Faith-and-Hope

The emotions I meant were similar to what you expressed with Sherry. I know that is not me. But I think its part of the depression and maybe my sadness.

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hello @Former-Member , sending you tender hugs , are you ok xxxxx

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Yes @oceangirl, I understand. Sadness is one of the feelings that can stay with us when we feel hurt and don’t know how to express it, or process it, or stop the behaviours (often in others) that cause it, and move the feelings towards healing.

Aseoth som many other things, distraction and seeking more positive experiences can help, along with keeping ourselves busy. Even that needs balance too though, but with care, it can be worked on.

Awareness and mindfulness are great starting points, and it sounds like you’re onto both.

💛🌷

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Hi @Bunniekins . Another Eels fan I see. I'm not, though I do have a soft spot for them. I used to follow Newtown Jets coz they were underdogs. Then they unexpectedly reached a grand final, but lost, then dropped from the competition the next year. So I then followed Canterbury. They hadnt won a premiership since the 1930s or something silly, so they were the new underdogs. Clearly my support from afar made all the difference and they won a couple of premierships. Raiders entered the NRL so I switched my allegiences to them. Then they started to win comps. I must be a lucky charm. 😆

As far as players go, I have met a few of the Raiders players from the 1990s era. One of the nicest guys you can meet is Bradley Clyde. Really lovely guy. One of the best locks going around, played for Aust of course. And there are a couple of players in the currenr Raiders team who come from my old home town. I didnt live in that town, but I went to school there.

Being a Canterbury supporter when Peter Stirling played for Parra, I preffered Steve Mortimer. One of 3 Mortimer bros who played for Canterbury back then. @Zoe7

Hi @oceangirl @Faith-and-Hope @Jezabell89

Sherry

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We need some of your luck for the Eels @Former-Member so more than happy if you want to switch sides again - been a long time since we won one and would love to see us get there again soon. Don't think it will be this year with our inconsistent performances. We didn't even turn up until half way into that first half and that isn;t good enough

Never met any NRL players but quite a few AFL players - being from an AFL state. A lot of great talent have come from Tassie - players and current coaches.

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@Boonana Checking in with you tonight to see if you are back with your mum and having some Eddie cuddles.

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Hi @Shaz51 I'm okay thanks. 😀

I havent met any AFL players, but my hubby met Warwick Capper when he was playing.

I met some NBL players .. Do you remember Andy Campbell? He played basketball for Cannons and Boomers. So tall .. 7 foot 2 inches. Plus I also met some Brumby / Wallaby players when we were holidaying in Fiji and the Brumbies were touring and playing against national Fiji team. We went to the match in Suva. Stephen Larkham is the one who stood out for me, just seemed a genuinely nice fellow.

I have met the current Melbourne Storm coach, Craig Bellamy. He was a team mate of another Raiders player whom I knew. After quitting league he became a barman at a golf club I used to go to occasionally with my hubby. Bellamy visited him there before taking on the Storm coaching gig.

I get a real thrill meeting sporting greats. Another big one was Heather McKay and also Geoff Hunt. Anyone who follows squash would know they are about as big as you can get.

Some say that Heather is Australias greatest ever sportswoman. There is no disputing that she is the worlds greatest ever female squash player. And she watched me play squash! Geoff Hunt was world number one for most of the 1970s. Meeting them both was a real thrill, especially being a squash player myself.

Work for you tomorrow @Zoe7 so I guess you are planning an early night? Perhaps you are watching House Rules?

Sherry

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Sorry I haven’t been on here much..
I am with Eddie though @Zoe7

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Actually recrding House Rules to watch when I get home from work tomorrow @Former-Member - it will be my hour or so to relax when I get home.

I have heard of Geoff Hunt but not Heather McKay - but I have never been a squash fan - either watching or playing.

Stephen Larkham I remember from the Australian team - very tall but nice to hear he is a genuinely nice guy s well.

I do not remember Andy Campbell at all though. I lost interest in basketball a lot when the Tassie Devils folded in '96 - not a good year for me - same time Fitzroy were merged with Brisbane Bears and my Nan died

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No need to be sorry @Boonana we all have lives Hon. I go back to work tomorrow so I won't be around much either. Glad you are having Eddie cuddles

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