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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

That is quite okay @Boonana we all need distractions from how we are feeling sometimes Hon.

What would you like to talk about - I need to get some gardening done these school holidays but I don't have the energy just yet to get stuck into that - really need to get the housework done too but would rather spend time with Toby being lazy snuggled on the couch. What kind of things do you like to do to fill your days when you are on holidays?

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope @Boonana

Been back from the BBQ for a while now. Unfortunately hubby took sick and is now asleep on his bed with a bucket by his side. 😕 Other than that, the BBQ was okay thanks. Food was good and the neighbours are nice people. The Mr is a very long term friend of my hubby's from early in his Navy days. And of course they discussed their plans for Anzac Day. Seems I will be driving them to the service and taking them to the RSL for lunch, then taking them to a pub afterwards for some two-up, then eventually home. At least thats what they have told me. Not my idea of fun, but I know its important to him, so it will be done. Unless of course I get a call from the hospital to say they have a bed available for him and to get him into the city hospital, which could happen any time after Easter. Ie any time from tomorrow. I really think its more likely to be the week after however. And I also know that hubby will be terribly disappointed if he cannot attend Anzac day this year. He was in hospital last year, and it will not please him to miss another. Although if he is sick like he is today after a simple BBQ with next to no alcohol, then it does not look good for an enjoyable Anzac day.

Well @Zoe7 the Eels match is starting soon, I think I will settle in and watch it. Do you have a footy team of any code that you support @Boonana ? I will be off air for a while again now, but will check back on you all a little later. Need to keep a watch on hubby, who is really unwell right now. I keep thinking of Easter last year, which is when he got so terribly sick, collapsed and I had to get the ambulance to him on Easter Monday night. Sure hope that doesnt happen again.

Sherry 🌺

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I’m not sure what to talk about..

I fill in my days snuggling with Eddie on the couch while watching YouTube! I am not good at napping.. in fact, I can’t nap! I cannot sleep unless it is completely black. Other than that I wouldn’t usually have much spare time but these holidays I’ve had too much spare time and it’s been a bit hard.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I hope hubby doesn't need to go to hospital this time @Former-Member and that he recovers a little with a rest this afternoon. I know how important ANZAC day is for him from what you have said so also hoping that call for hospital comes Friday or later. It is these things which he looks forward to that are suer important for him to be able to do and even though it will be a boring day for you - you are certainly taking very good care of him.

Yes have the game on now - the new stadium looks amazing - and we are wearing our traditional strip so that is heartwarming. Just hope now we can do the jernsey proud and put up a good showing.How good would it be to win our first game at 'home'.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It can be that way when you have too much time on your hands @Boonana Could you go back to gymnastics this week to help fill in a bit of that time?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I’m so sorry to hear about your hubby @Former-Member
I am a hawks supporter/member.. I have been for 10 years now. Though I prefer saints!
I don’t follow rugby though.. maybe yous will get me into it!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Boonana @Zoe7 @Former-Member ..... anyone else about ?

Can I ask what you like to watch on YouTube @Boonana ? Only answer if you’re comfortable to.

I am doing a bit of a clean up every time I get up from my sculpture work for a break @Zoe7 . This art space is a mess ..... put a mop a cross the kitchen floor a little while ago, but it’s the type of tiles that leave streaks ..... 🤨. We changed the ones in our homespace because some were broken, and we were pulling up old carpet anyway. They are great tiles to clean now 👍.

Sculpture project is going well, and I called my dad.

Glad you got to eat some nice lunch cooked for you @Former-Member. It’s a shame hubby started to feel unwell. Will you have a chance to rest, or is the game too exciting for that ?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I can’t.. holiday training started last week and I already missed it all so I can’t just go this week. Also I haven’t payed yet so I am not sure if I even can start now. And today’s training just started.. and it’s actually really expensive and I’d only get two days out of it.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

My team are playing now so I will fade in and out for the next couple of hours @Boonana I follow Parramata Eels - @Former-Member follows the Canberra Raiders.

There is a lot of Tassie support for Hawthorn - not a fan myself. I'm a Lions girl.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I like watching gymnastics comps and stress relief videos the most @Faith-and-Hope! What do you like watching?
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