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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Good morning @Faith-and-Hope and all visiting this thread. Was up super early but did get back to sleep for a little while. Got another headache which is not good for having to go out today but wiill dose uup on pain killers to get through lunch then come home to possibly sleep again. Really finding it hard to get back on top of things after a very emotional week so very lucky I have another week of holidays to try to get on top of things again.

Hope everyone has a good day - whether you celebrate the day or not - love and hope to you all

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7 .... and anyone else around 👋☕️💕

I went to bed very tired last night .... sleep-walked back from the Art Space where most of the baby dragons ended up. I woke up super early too, but I wasn’t feeling tired, so I got up, tidy

ied up a bit, had a shower and got ready for church, then sorted some photos from my phone for my uni assignments.

I expect I will need a nap after lunch though.

I am glad you have some more recovery time @Zoe7. I didn’t end up asking you how your meeting went. It was all too messy at the time, butI hope it went well and you felt listened to.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

This is where I mostly hang out @Boonana - we have a lot of people that visit us here at different stages and everyone is very much welcome here.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Wow it’s long! What do you talk about here?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It was a very messy week to say the least @Faith-and-Hope The meeting went well. We pretty much agreed on all categories expext one and that one we asked for the award to be split between two nominees because they were so different and we just could not agree on just one. It maed sense to give them both an award as they were exceptional nominees and very much doing a lot of great work as individuals in the Suicide Prevention area.

I haven't been as productive as you this morning but every time I stood up or sat up my head started pounding. That has gotten a lot better with meds so feeling like I can at least go to my parents' now for lunch. You certainly have done a lot this morning - I really should take you lead and get up and do some things myself soon.

Enjoy church Hon - I know this isn't Easter for you until next week but church is still super important for you. Any baby dragons going with you today?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Everything really @Boonana . I have quite a few people that visit here but @Faith-and-Hope and I find this to be more a 'base' to chat. It is where I get support when I need it too - which isn't so often these days but the last week has been incredibly difficult. Just starting to come out of thst and feeling a little better. Life just plain sucks sometimes but with the wonderful support from people here we get thruogh it the best we can - and that support here is gold

We do like to see this thread as a safe place for people to interact and be able to come when they need support as well so that is part of the reason it is so long - everyone is welcome.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh it sounds like a great place @Zoe7! Am I allowed to use it if I need someone to talk to?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Of course you are Hon - would be more than happy to have you join us here - infact I insist lol

There is usually always someone here on this thread to answer you when you post and if not it doesn't take long for someone to come past so post away whenever you need @Boonana

Some of the regulars @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @MDT @Sans911 @Snowie just to name a few - please welcome @Boonana to our thread here. She is new and many of us got to know her a bit last night - it was a lovely night of chat and connection for some of us.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Boonana and welcome to the forums 👋

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7! I will join if you insist 😆
I might come by later this afternoon.
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